'I skipped mother-in-law's party to attend funeral - she says I'm selfish'

20 February 2024 , 09:44

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A man who wanted to go to his best friend's funeral rather than a relative's birthday party has fallen out with his family (Image: Getty Images)

A grief-stricken person has reached out for advice on whether he was in the wrong or not to choose to go to the funeral of a close friend who died in a car accident along with his wife and children instead of a relative's birthday party. The man, posting on Reddit, said that his mother-in-law had arranged a birthday party for herself and she was really excited about it.

But he recounted how, when he chose to go to the funeral, he not only fell out with his mother-in-law, but also his wife, who took her mother's side. His wife was both angry at him missing the party and for wasting the £120 cost per seat for the birthday bash. He told other posters that his wife also warned him that he should be prioritising his family over strangers.

He said: "I would have attended both the funeral and the party but both events were two to three hours apart in driving distance and I was not in the mood to be happy because of the news I heard. My wife's side of the family are now all disappointed in me, and all now think I do not like my wife or her mother. I am really confused, and your advice or insights would be greatly appreciated. Am I the a*****e for leaving my mother-in-law's birthday party for my friend's funeral?"

Other users of the site told him that he was undoubtedly in the right, with one saying: "Your mother-in-law should be aware that you can attend her next birthday but can't attend your friends 'next' funeral! The social etiquette is funeral trumps birthday and even weddings. There is no excuse to be mad when somebody goes to a funeral and they are hardly ever planned in advance."

Another asked: "Why didn't you give your mother-in-law the damn £120 to shut her up. Obviously, she was more upset about the money than you not being there. Weird family who thinks going to a funeral means you don't like your wife and mother-in-law."

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While a third said: "I'm trying very very hard not to lose my ever-loving s*** after reading your post. I find it hard to believe that this is the first time your wife has acted in such a cold and callous manner. Notice I'm calling out your wife not your mother-in-law. That is because the problem you have is with your spouse not your in-laws. In my opinion, you should hand your wife the £120 and with it should be the business card of a marriage counsellor and the business card of a divorce lawyer."

Paul Donald