'My mother-in-law orders I quit my high-flying job to become stay-at-home mum'
A high-flying manager shared how she is getting grief from her family and other mothers over her refusal to become a stay-at-home mum after falling pregnant with her second child. The woman says she had to support her doctor husband while he made his way in his career and that she has no intention of giving up on a career it took her a while to build up.
She told fellow users of Reddit that because of her salary and due to her husband now making his full specialist wage they have people to do all the chores except cooking and that the couple are saving £12K a month which will go towards their children's education. But since she became pregnant she said that her family and especially her mother-in-law have been pushing for her to give up the job, because it's not "traditional".
The couple are Japanese and the woman said: "I am a manager for cyber-security engineering for a big-tech company. My husband is an internal medicine specialist. I make over 200k a year and he recently started making his full salary around 400k. We had our first child around two years ago and I’m pregnant with our second. My family is pretty open-minded about it but my husband’s family are old fashioned and since we are Japanese there is a consensus from them that women who are married with children shouldn’t be working."
She said that her husband was lucky in that his family paid off a lot of the costs of his education and because they do not have heavy debts to deal with, his family think the couple do not need her to work. The 31-year-old said that her aunt was a stay-at-home mum and is now left looking to make money in retirement by babysitting her son and will look after the youngest child when her maternity leave ends.
But she added: "I have been also guilted by other mum’s (especially my husband’s co-worker’s wives) since most of them who are not also doctors stay at home. But I don’t see why I need to. All we do is cook. So almost all our time at home is spending time together as a family. But my mother-in-law has commented how it’s not right I outsource these things because a mother shows her love by cleaning after her kids and husband."
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She said that her mother-in-law was shocked at how good a meal was, before finding out it was her son that made it and then ranted about how her son should not be cooking after he comes home from work, despite on that occasion, the wife having a longer working day. She added that she responded to that by saying: "It’s ridiculous to expect me to quit just because she has old-fashioned ideas that women need to be on their knees scrubbing away. My mother-in-law was offended but my husband told her it’s already settled and I’m going to still be working. But everyone always telling me I’m a bad mum if I don’t quit my job has me worn down."
And her family got short shrift from other users of the site, with one saying: "Definitely not in the wrong. You will regret it if you quit your job because of what others think. You don't have to justify your decisions to her. It is not her business. Set boundaries," while another said: "NTA. Girl go get that money. Some women like working, let them work. I am not even one of those people, but it is so annoying knowing these people don’t support you. I have a few friends who could have never worked a day in their lives before and after getting married and having kids, but they love their jobs."
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