'My fiancé, 27, is refusing to get a vasectomy - I might call off the wedding'
Communication is key in relationships, and if you have something on your mind, it's really important that you get it off your chest and see whether your partner is on the same page as you.
That's why one woman was baffled when her husband-to-be decided to go back on their decision for him to have a vasectomy, as they'd decided to have no more children for "various reasons", including health and money.
She thought that they were "on the same page", and so was confused when the topic of vasectomy was brought up again, and he stated that it was "so permanent."
The woman then took to Mumsnet to question whether she needed to call off their wedding because she was concerned that he may "change his mind down the line" - and that would include another woman, as she was certain she wouldn't be having any more children.
She wrote: "Me and my partner, 27, have had a child not too long ago. We both agreed for various reasons (health, money etc.) that we don't want another child and that is that. Whenever we get pressed on when we are going to have the next one my partner always calmly responds with 'we won't be', and it made me feel relief that we are on the same page.
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
"Without getting into details I had a horrible birth and pregnancy and have been told that if I have a second I will have an increased risk of getting certain illnesses. Even to this day, I'm still suffering with side effects of the pregnancy, and I don't know if it's normal or not. But at 27 I've accepted my body isn't the same anymore."
The pair agreed that their child is a "priority", and her partner said that he would never want to put her through the same situation again, and she was under the impression that everything was "great."
She continued: "So we have discussed many a time, him getting a vasectomy. Mainly because it's more accessible and easier for him to do rather than for me to get my tubes tied. He said he would start looking into it all. Except, nothing has come from it. As a consequence, I don't want to have sex with him as I'm scared about any risk of pregnancy. Yes, we use contraception but we all know that isn't foolproof. The other night we talked about our wedding for next year and I brought up the topic of the vasectomy. He very quickly said 'But it's so permanent...'."
She wasn't happy with his response, saying she was "confused" about what he said. She admitted they're "still quite young fertility-wise" but she knows she doesn't want another child as she "won't" do it again. "I said to my partner that inclined he may want the choice to change his mind down the line and if that is the case who does he have in mind because it won't be me?", she fumed.
The woman finished her post by writing: "Now I don't know what to think. I have this horrible gut feeling he will secretly want kids further down the line, we will get married, and he will realise this and leave me for another woman. I don't understand where any of this has come from. My partner has witnessed firsthand how awful it all was for me and said he would never want to inflict that trauma on me again. But clearly, although he parades around telling others and me he doesn't want another child he subconsciously does. Is this the end of our five-year relationship? Do I call off the marriage? I'm so confused and tired from the thought of this."
In the comments, many sided with the man saying he was "very young" to have a vasectomy. "You are being unreasonable. Hugely! It's a big decision, it's his decision and he's still very young to make such a permanent end to his fertility", someone wrote.
"You are being very very unreasonable", a second agreed. "You can't dictate what you want your partner to do to his body. Imagine if this was a man forcing a woman to get sterilised!" While a different user added: "It's a big decision and it's his body, you shouldn't be pressuring him. Just because he has reservations about getting one doesn't mean he 'subconsciously wants another child'. It's just a huge action to take so young. If you are so set on it then you need to get sterilised yourself."
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