'I'm happily married - but I can't stop fantasising about my young handyman'

22 February 2024 , 15:36

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Married woman can't stop thinking about the younger guy (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

I’m embarrassed writing this letter, but here goes. I’m a happily married woman in my early 40s with two young children. I’m fit, outgoing and have lots of friends and ­interests, so I guess I’m very lucky and have a good life.

The spanner in the works, which has got me agonising over my marriage, is that I’ve been fantasising over a young guy who came to lay some new flooring in my hallway and kitchen. He must be only in his mid-20s and is really gorgeous and friendly.

He has a lovely smile and very blue eyes, which I can’t stop thinking about. I kept finding excuses to make him cups of tea and chat and, I have to admit, I was flirting up a storm.

This is very unlike me. I love my husband and still find him very sexy and fun to be around. We have a good relationship, although having two kids and jobs (I work part-time) means life can be busy and stressful.

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I suppose what I’m asking is, do these fantasies mean there’s something wrong with my marriage? I’ve been feeling so guilty, even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong and would never have an affair.

Coleen says

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of harmless fantasising and, even when you’re in a happy relationship, it’s normal to find other people attractive.

The crucial point is whether you turn these fantasies into reality.

Look, it sounds to me as if you have a good marriage, but maybe it’s just missing some fun and romance.

When you have kids and you’re busy working and dealing with all the stresses life throws at you, it’s very easy to get into a rut and start taking each other for granted. Maybe you need to make more effort for each other.

Start with a conversation – ask your husband how he’s feeling, if he’s happy and if there’s anything he feels is missing in your romantic life. Then you can discuss how you think you could improve things.

How can you get more time to be a couple? Can you make any changes at home to make the other person feel more valued? What really turns you on?

As I’ve said many times in this column, even the best of ­relationships need effort and nurturing and it becomes more important the longer you’re together.

So, don’t panic or feel guilty about fancying this younger guy, but just think about what it might be telling you about what your relationship needs.

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Coleen Nolan