'Kate Garraway's important move before return to GMB and reason she's back'
Kate Garraway is in for a difficult journey after returning to work following her late husband's funeral last week, a grief expert has said.
The much-loved Good Morning Britain presenter stepped away from work at the end of last year to spend time with her beloved husband Derek Draper. He had been suffering from long-term complications of coronavirus after contracting the deadly virus back in 2020.
Derek tragically suffered a major heart attack on December 11 and passed away last month aged 56 with Kate sharing a heartbreaking statement. She had become his full-time carer - an immensely important role for her family - however now back on-screen, she could see a lack of purpose in her work, which is common among those grieving, according to grief specialist Carole Henderson.
Similarly to Kate, Carole, 58, became her husband's carer before he died of cancer aged 40. They had met when they were 18 and were married by 20, so Carole had spent all of her adult life alongside him until his untimely death.
"I'd been torn in half - at every cell the DNA ripped in two," Carole told the Mirror of her loss. "Watching the vital, fit man I'd known become so weak he couldn't lift himself out of the bath was an agony that those who haven't experienced it don't even realise it's a whole grief on its own."
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Kate appeared on GMB for a chat about how she was feeling before returning to work (ITV)The former marketing manager, from Northumberland, eventually found a way forward, which saw her retrain to help other people with grief and set up her service to train others in a particular type of therapy from Canada. Reflecting on how Kate may be feeling back in the spotlight on national TV, Carole said: "It may be much harder than she's anticipated, while everyone can imagine how the first few days back will be strange, what is often not considered is that surprisingly quickly people forget how new and fragile you are and start treating you as the person you used to be."
The expert says those grieving often long to return to normality, however, this is easier said than done. "While returning to a supportive environment can be positive, it can simultaneously be a drain. Grief can sap your energy and leave you exhausted.
"A large part of your system is processing the pain leaving fewer resources to cope with the everyday stresses. What seems crucial to your colleagues can seem pointless or banal compared to what's going on in your head. Some people do much better going back to work, the routine providing structure and purpose.
"Some really struggle and employers and colleagues need to realise that the person grieving might not know which one they are until they try." The mum-of-two made an appearance on Good Morning Britain at the start of the week, where she spoke about her late husband following his funeral last Friday.
Grief specialist Carole Henderson, who also cared for her husband before his death (Supplied)Kate confirmed she was set to return to the desk on the ITV morning show on Thursday and joked: "I'm going to be looking forward to a blow dry." She said she will also be cracking out the fake eyelashes and fake tan, adding: "Don't worry – I am going to be looking a lot more respectable."
She went on: "I am looking forward to coming into the world and connecting with everyone again. Thank you for having me back but have a little patience, I might be a bit rusty. I think there is a new king. Have I caught up with that?”
Kate took an extended leave whilst Derek was ill and when he passed so she could be with their children Darcey and Billy. In the chat, Kate also defended her return to work just days after Derek's funeral.
She said: "A new life starts now. I don't quite know how it's going to be, but grief isn't containable, is it? Some people say, 'Why [are] you going back to work?' Well, everybody does have to, don't they? Life has to start any minute now."
Carole believes Kate could be returning to work for the distraction while her connecting with others is critical. However, there is a fine line. "Doing all the hours to avoid having to go home to the empty house, is not only exhausting it's counter-productive," the expert explained.
Kate became Derek's carer when he became seriously ill (James Gourley/ITV/REX/Shutterstock)
Derek is survived by his wife Kate and their two children (Mirrorpix)"While we can't grieve 24/7 we do need to grieve and if we try to bury it in work or food or exercise or whatever, it will surface again, usually in a destructive way. It's really important to remember that what is right for one person isn't right for another so for many, the week after the funeral is way too soon, for others it will save their sanity."
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Speaking about Kate specifically, she added: "Kate made a good move by contacting her team before going back to the office to explain that it might not be plain sailing for her, setting expectations that she wasn't going to be on her normal form." And on her return on Thursday, it was evident she was feeling fragile, as she revealed to viewers she was left in tears after being greeted by her make-up team.
She apologised that she might be a bit 'wobbly' to her co-star Ben Shephard, who supported her with reassurance. Carole warned viewers to treat her with kindness, saying: "She might fluff her words or forget stuff which might feel awful or embarrassing but no real harm would be done and I'm sure her audience would very very supportive."
She highlights that if a job requires sharp concentration, such as driving a HGV, the picture might be different. For some people, it will come down to needing an income, as there is no statutory bereavement leave for the death of a spouse, only for the death of a dependant under 18.
"In any event, it is important to have honest discussions with someone you can trust at work. You may be OK for a while then need a break again. And we're not talking the first two weeks here – we are talking long term – months maybe more."
Ahead of her return to work, Kate, 56, was overcome as she revealed how she wished she was still caring for Derek. Speaking to co-anchors Richard Madeley and Susanna Reid, while choking up, Kate said: "I think the people watching, they will know two things that are in a caring position – how unbelievably hard it is but what an honour it is too.
"And how much I wish I was caring today because it's you know, it's an incredible thing to be that line of defence against the world and what happens to us all in life.
"To be able to be that person there for somebody, it's the ultimate honour and privilege, isn't it? I know I didn't get it all right and I have lots of regrets of things I should have done more of and spent less time fretting about but it is a huge honour and what you do will be something that builds your forever, it's a gift but also you get so much for it as well."
Kate revealed she had been in tears when she arrived at the studio (ITV)Carole reiterates that Kate didn't only lose her husband, but also her job as a carer, a job which was important to her family and gave her purpose. "She might be surprised how the job on TV doesn't feel the same as she remembered – it's because she isn't the same person and it's quite common for people who have been carers to wonder what the point is to anything else," Carole warned.
"She'll also have to cope with people waiting for her to return to 'normal' but that Kate has gone forever. It can take quite a while to adjust to the 'new normal' where the caring role has vanished and this can explain why many people make dramatic career or job changes in the wake of loss. They are searching for their new purpose, or meaning for their life."
Specifically on Kate's sense of regret, Carole said this is common among grieving carers. "Things we wish had been better, or different. Replaying history endlessly in a desire for it to somehow end differently," she explained. "Acknowledging what happened, your choices made in the moment with what you knew then, and accepting you can't change the past only how you feel about it how you start to heal."
Meanwhile, bereavement counsellor at the end of life charity Marie Curie, Nicola Creaser, agrees that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief. After discussions flew on social media with people questioning whether it was too soon for Kate to be back at work, Nicola said: "Coping mechanisms are as personal as grief is.
"For many, returning to normal, which can include going back to work, can be a relief. One risk is that the bereaved person throws themselves into work too much to avoid feeling emotion and uses work as a way of protecting themselves.
"The reality of the loss, typically but not for everyone, may begin to impact them further down the line once the practical tasks that need to be done after someone has died have been completed. Bereaved people's ability to focus and concentrate can often be affected, too.
"Employers need to be aware that this is normal. They need to be compassionate in their approach to supporting bereaved people at work, and always be mindful of the unique nature of grief. Kate's openness about her experience will be so helpful for other bereaved people across the UK."
Ahead of the charity's fourth annual Day of Reflection on March 3, which is a time to remember those who died during the pandemic, new research has revealed how the grief experienced during that period is still having a massive impact on people today. Nicola added: "Kate's story reminds us that, for many, the pandemic is not a distant memory."
For more information on Carole's services and training, head to her website https://www.edu-therapy.uk/. For more information and support with grief, head to www.griefspecialists.org
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