'My brother mocked my miscarriage - so I cancelled his baby shower'
Experiencing a miscarriage is devastating - especially if the baby was planned, longed for and wanted. It’s something many couples struggle with years, even decades later, to talk about.
And while it’s obvious to most people that discussing miscarriage in a flippant way could be considered offensive, it appears not everyone got the memo. One woman has revealed how she has fallen out with her family after overhearing a comment made by her brother about her own baby loss.
Sharing her situation on social media, the woman explained how she has three younger brothers who are triplets and is very close to all of them, even though they like to tease her a lot for being the only girl.
One of her brothers and his wife are getting ready to welcome their first child and the woman decided to throw them a babyshower to celebrate. She explained that she had decided to foot the bill as she has disposable income and they don’t, and she wanted to do something nice for them.
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She added: “I am very close to my brother and his wife and even his wife was excited to have me as the babies aunt. I love this baby with all of my heart being that this is my first niece and I plan on spoiling her because I’m financially stable and even though I’m not wealthy I still have a good amount of spending money.”
The woman also revealed that she and her husband went through a miscarriage two years ago that was very hard on them, and the prospect of having a niece is extremely emotional and exciting for her.
However, a few weeks before the baby shower, the woman was left devastated after hearing a remark made by her brother. She continued: “My brother, his wife, my husband, and my other brothers were at our parents house for a football game. The topic of babies and the baby shower they planned came up and my brother made a joke saying ‘I’m glad my wife is in working condition so we could be the first ones to have a baby, it feels good to be the first sibling for something’.”
Hurt and angry, the woman and her husband went straight home and she blocked her brother on her phone and social media. She added: “I couldn’t believe how inconsiderate and insensitive he was especially after I gave him everything. I texted him one time saying ‘We won’t be paying for your baby shower anymore, what you did was horrible and I don’t want to speak to you again’. He told our family and now they’re all trying to contact me but I don’t want to hear it.”
She added that her sister-in-law is in complete agreement with her to cancel the baby shower as she’s horrified her husband made such a comment, but her brother is refusing to back down and calling her over-sensitive. Wondering if she was being too reactive, she shared her story on Reddit asking for advice.
In response, one person commented: “Not the a**hole. It's been 33 years since my wife miscarried. It's still not something we bring up. There are so many people that don't understand the pain the parents endure when a miscarriage happens.”
Someone else added: “I'm betting he's spinning the story, to make himself look good. Set the record straight and stand your ground, and if people are still pressuring you to pay, tell them to pay for it as you won't and then you'll hear all the excuses on how they can't.”
And a third person blasted: “Not the a**hole. Please cut him off. He’s insensitive and cruel, it wasn’t meant to be a joke. Also, the fact he views women as tools for conception is downright disturbing as hell.”
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at the Miscarriage Association. You can call them on 01924 200799 or email [email protected]
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