Busted's Matt Willis on facing his addiction fears as band undergo huge tour
Stepping on stage in Newcastle tonight as part of Busted's 20th anniversary tour, Matt Willis’ thoughts will be laser-focused on delivering another electric show.
Five-years sober - and with the clarity that brings - he is enjoying every minute back in the limelight, with his childhood friends James Bourne and Charlie Simpson. But he’d be forgiven if his thoughts lay elsewhere. When he was last on tour with the band in 2016, an offer of a solitary line of cocaine sparked a fresh descent into addiction after eight years sober.
It was a chilling reminder how precarious life as a recovering addict can be. And with TV presenter wife Emma and their three children at home hundreds of miles away, on the outskirts of London, Matt knows what is at stake. “Being on tour has been a moment of relapse for me again and again and again,” Matt explains. “Our life is really great…and a lot of people say to me, ‘Matt, why do you put yourself in a dangerous situation?’
“And it’s because I love it, and I really do, and I feel passionate about it, and I’m capable of doing that clean and sober. I am. “Emma understandably worries about that, but I think she can see the work that I put in. She can see where I am, and see how open I am about everything.”
Emma helped Matt through his battles (PA)
James, Charlie and Matt (Future Publishing via Getty Images)Unflinchingly honest, Matt is certainly that…and the perfect guest for the second episode of the Mirror’s campaigning podcast Men in Mind. The series, in association with the charity Mind, has a simple premise: to encourage more men to open up.
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It comes as Mind’s research suggests that, rather than reach out for support, men are twice as likely as women to use recreational drugs and a third more likely to increase how much they drink to cope with their mental health. Matt dearly wished he had reached out for help himself after struggling mentally in the first flushes of Busted mania, in 2002.
“I never really talked to anybody really, I just kept everything to myself, which was not the right move,” he says. He stayed silent, he admits, because he didn’t want to “rock the boat”, fearful that all their hard-worked success could be snatched away.
“I was struggling for so many years, but I kind of didn’t want to ever let on, because I didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t coping,” he says. “I knew how important it was and what it all meant for everybody. And I kind of felt this pressure to keep my face on.
“If you talk to anybody who was around in those days, I was the last one in bed, the first one on the bus. I was always really trying to prove that I was okay, when I was the one who was falling to pieces.” It’s a theme explored with brutal honesty in his critically acclaimed and must-watch BBC documentary Matt Willis: Addiction and Me.
In one particularly heart-wrenching scene, it shows Emma tearfully flicking through a 2008 diary she kept of Matt’s drinking, and drug-taking. “I remember I used to drive around looking for him in pubs,” says Emma. “I was so scared that he would die.”
While Matt first went into rehab voluntarily ahead of their 2008 wedding for alcohol addiction, it proved to be the first visit of many. It’s why Matt knew that he had to get the set-up around the current tour absolutely spot on. Unsurprisingly, drugs are banned from the dressing room.
“There are certain rules…and for a drug addict, it’s a really good idea not to have drugs around you, which is fine,” Matt says with a wry smile. “The boys are completely cool with that. All our crew and everyone we work with also completely know the rules too.”
There is a funny moment in the documentary when we learn of Matt and his bandmates decidedly un-rock ‘n roll backstage requests. Matt expects protein bars, protein powder, nuts and berries, while James Bourne, requires the soft drink Um Bongo and an assortment of Dairy Milk Marvellous Creations.
It’s only Charlie who asks for alcohol, namely four bottles of red wine, two of white, and a few cans of pale ale. I ask Matt whether he finds it difficult being around booze. “I haven’t had a drink in 13 years now. It doesn’t really ever enter my head. That’s something which I put to bed a long time ago, and day by day I’m very grateful that I don’t drink anymore,” he explains.
Matt talks to Mirror's Tom (Humphrey Nemar)“But there’s something about the mind-altering state of drugs, which still triggers me. It puts me on edge and I can’t be around it, or can’t be around anyone that’s on them. I kind of find that really too hard. So I haven’t worked enough on that to be able to be around it.”
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Intelligent and engaging company, you can begin to understand why Matt has been able to navigate 25 years in a notoriously cut-throat industry. He talks eloquently and with refreshing candour about how life in Busted and the subsequent fame was “intoxicating”, even as his life faltered in a blur of alcohol and cocaine.
And despite being a huge advocate of therapy now, he says he was never always the perfect patient, not least in those early rehab sessions which he “blagged” his way through. “I was paying to lie to people for no benefit really…..I felt like they thought I was doing good, and I could walk away happy, but in fact I wasn’t ever getting to the real problem,” he says.
But over time he began to engage with the process, and soon began to reap the benefits. “I always thought with therapy…What do they want from me? What do I have to say? Am I bad enough? Is my story worthy enough? All this kind of stuff. Or I’d be like, no one wants to listen to me, or about my poor life, whatever that is,” he says.
“When actually it’s the opposite of that. It’s just talking with somebody and finding the right relationship with them. It’s about finding someone who you feel comfortable with. And that doesn’t happen instantly. It can take a few sessions, it can take a little while, but you’ll get somewhere. And before you know it, you’re talking about things that actually really affect you.”
As well as the tour, Matt’s focus has turned to trying to help others, who have endured similar problems. He has launched a podcast On the Mend, which sees Matt interview stars such as McFly pal Dougie Poynter about their own recovery stories, and offering his own advice.
“We’ve seen each other at our worst, me and Dougie, we’ve both been in active addiction together and we’ve both been clean together, and we’ve seen each other through those times,” he says. Matt is even exploring opening up a rehab centre. There aren’t enough spaces….and the places that do exist are overcrowded and underfunded,” he says.
Our time is nearly up, and the conversation turns back to Emma. Despite all they have been through….maybe because of what they’ve been through…..he admits they’re closer than ever. He adds: It’s weird. It’s been a relationship where I always felt kind of lucky to be there, you know what I mean? I still do. I still feel very grateful, and very lucky.
“I always felt like I was hanging on for dear life for so many years. And whereas now, it’s a two-way partnership, and it’s like I support her, she supports me, and we both get s*** done.” You can’t say fairer than that.
* Men in Mind is available on Apple podcasts, or go to podfollow.com/meninmind. For anyone who needs some support, go to mind.org.uk
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