'I was bullied for my boobs - but my actor dad inspired me to become a model'
When it comes to the relationship between women and swimwear, the sad truth is that it’s not often a happy one. But why?
Well, according to a survey conducted by Boux Avenue and YouGov 68% of women in the UK don’t like shopping for swimwear for themselves, with around half explaining doing so can lower their self-esteem because they feel self-conscious about the way they look in swimsuits and bikinis.
Here at Notebook we think it’s time to break the mould and start to embrace our bodies for what they are… beautiful. As part of our call for body positivity, four professional models and influencers step into swimsuits and share their stories. If someone had told me as a child that one day I’d be working as a model and body activist, I’d never have believed them. I suffered from crippling social anxiety and struggled going to school. I was being bullied because of my bust size and the kids teased me for wearing a bra.
“All this took a toll on my confidence and I even quit entering swimming competitions, which I loved, because I was conscious of my body. I wish I could go back to when I was younger and tell myself not to miss out on things because of how I looked.
“My dad, David Hasselhoff, was a huge star on Baywatch and well-connected in the industry, so I was inspired by him to be an actress but ventured into the modelling world instead. By 14, I was signed to an agency. That really helped my confidence.
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Hayley says she was inspired by her dad to get into the modelling industry (David Venni)
Hayley Hasselhoff walking the runway for Cupshe Fashion Show during Paraiso Miami Beach Beach Resort 2023 (Getty Images for Cupshe)“Back then, plus-size or curve models were niche and I’d never seen girls with fuller figures in fashion campaigns. And neither had the public. I had so many girls coming up to me saying ‘I’ve never seen somebody whose mum is smaller than them’, which sparked something within me. I felt I had to speak up.
“It was hard because I had a lot of media backlash. I’d always be asked how I could truly love myself with a bigger body, but those questions only spurred me on to love the skin I’m in even more. Women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes.
“Things took a toll on my mental health, though, so now I am a huge advocate for telling other people about my anxiety and depression and how I haven’t let it hold me back. Since I realised the connection between my body and mental health, things became so much clearer for me – I’ve made it a priority to always be my own best friend.
“When it comes to body image and size diversity in the fashion, television and film industries, we have come a long way, but it’s always going to be something we need to discuss. It shouldn’t be a box-ticking exercise. People need to be able to relate to models when they look at fashion. There are amazing high-street brands who have opened up their size ranking, but they don’t have them on the floor, or if they do, it’s a small rack in the back.
“I want to be able to feel valued as a customer and to celebrate myself through fashion as much as anybody else – no matter what shape or size I’m at. We forget so often that our bodies are actually our home and our vessel. They’re what keeps us alive. We think so much more about the outside perception of what they look like, rather than what they give us.
Hayley wants to empower young women and girls (Getty Images for Cupshe)“So I think it’s about changing the conversation around that. It’s completely normal to have bad and good times. You’re not always going to feel great about how you look, but don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you don’t matter.
“Knowing that you can catch yourself on your bad body days and accept them is one of the biggest keys. It’s just living in a state of acceptance. I accept my bad body days for what they are, but I know that I need to have those bad body days to get back to my good ones.
“So many people miss out on opportunities and experiences because they are concerned about how they look and I think that is so sad. Wear the swimwear this summer! Find things that make you feel good and styles that work for you. Above all, don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Being confident is the sexiest thing. All of our stories are so important, speak yours loud and with conviction.”
INSTAGRAM @HHASSELHOFF
CLARA HOLMES
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My journey as a disabled woman has become my superpower, but it’s taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get there. In my twenties, I had been working in the travel industry, jetting around the world and enjoying life. But I had to put my career on hold when I started to feel run down and my health began to decline.
“It was 2005 when my whole life turned upside down. After endless tests, I was diagnosed with EDS and needed to restart my life as a wheelchair user. That was really tough on me and I’m not ashamed to say I went through five years of mental hell. It was the darkest time of my life.
Hayley says she "couldn’t believe I’d landed a career in the fashion industry" (Getty Images)“I had to discover who I was all over again and turned to social media to try to find someone I could relate to. I’d always loved fashion, but there were no Black, disabled women visible on any platform. I knew then that I wanted to be a voice for women like me, but the first step was to accept my condition, embrace the future and start living life to the full again.
“As I gradually made peace with how my life had changed, I became comfortable in my body and started experimenting with clothes again. But there was always this niggling feeling that I didn’t matter.
“Ignoring the negative thoughts in my head, I decided to be my own hero, creating my own blog in 2016. My modelling dreams came true a year later when I was scouted by an agency. I couldn’t believe I’d landed a career in the fashion industry. I was amazed they wanted a girl like me.
“Being able to take to the catwalk has been better than any of my expectations. I find it really empowering to represent a community and most importantly show people with disabilities that anything is possible. But there’s still a long way to go. There are a few models who use wheelchairs out there, but we need to focus on accessibility. The more people who ask if studios are accessible to wheelchairs, the more studios will cater for people like me.
“The work I do makes disabled people feel seen and it means that they are empowered to go after their dreams. It’s very rewarding.
“I’ve had a tough journey, but I am really proud of my achievements. It’s taken a lot of mental work to get here, but when I look at myself in the mirror I’m genuinely pleased with what I see. I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.”
ROLLINFUNKY.COM; INSTAGRAM @ROLLINFUNKY
ELLIE GOLDSTEIN
Have you ever felt like people underestimated you? Or just looked at you and assumed that you were incapable? That’s how I felt growing up – like someone put me in a Down’s syndrome box.
Hayley says she turned to social media to try to find someone I could relate to (HEDO / BACKGRID)“The doctors doubted me when I was born and said I’d never walk or talk. But since I was young I was determined to prove them wrong and have always known I could achieve great things. I’m me, and I know I’m a superstar.
“My modelling journey started when my mum signed me up to an agency her friend worked with. I’d always been a natural in front of the camera and I used to walk up and down in the living room at home like it was a catwalk, much to the amusement of my family.
“Since I started, my career has skyrocketed and I’ve made history as the first model with Down’s syndrome to front huge brands such as Nike and Adidas. My first pinch-me moment came in 2020, when I landed a Gucci campaign. And yes, I got to keep the clothes.
“Alongside modelling, I’ve managed to study dance at college, which can be a juggle at times but so worth it. When I got the call saying the cover of Vogue was out [Ellie was a cover star for the May 2023 issue] I was with my classmates and they got my reaction on video. I was crying and screaming. I have never been so excited!
“That day on set was so surreal. I was treated like such a star and the cover is framed at my house. Perhaps my proudest moment to date, though, was being asked to be an ambassador for the first Barbie with Down’s syndrome.
“When I saw the doll I felt so emotional and proud. I’d have loved to have had a doll like me growing up. It means a lot to me that children will be able to play with that Barbie and learn that everyone is equal, even if they look different.
“Although I have faced challenges in my life, and still face stigma daily, I am strong enough to ignore it. I like to push myself and for others to push me too. I just know I’m capable of so much, and I love the opportunity to show that to people – especially the ones who doubt me.
“Someone who saw potential in me was Katie Piper, who asked me to tell my story as part of her UnSeen series, giving women like me who were previously ‘unheard’ a platform to tell our stories.
“The book tells my life story and highlights the importance of family and community support when people go through the toughest of times. It’s playful too, there are even flirting and confidence tips in it. As well as aiming to inspire others, I use my social media to try to help people feel good about themselves.
“That’s why posing in swimwear is so important. Women can often feel self-conscious on holiday but even if you don’t feel confident enough to get in the pool, do it anyway! Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be a great confidence boost.
“If you are ever feeling down about how you look, you need to remember that you are unique. Go out there and be a superstar like me on the cover of Vogue!”
AGAINST ALL ODDS BY ELLIE GOLDSTEIN, WITH A FOREWORD BY KATIE PIPER, IS OUT ON 21 SEPTEMBER (SPCK PUBLISHING, £16.99). FOLLOW ELLIE ON INSTAGRAM @ELLIEJG16_ZEBEDEEMODEL
RACHEL PERU
‘What have you got to lose?’ beamed my friend as she suggested I pursue modelling professionally. I was working as a nursery teacher at the time, had recently divorced and had three kids to take care of – but I craved a change of scene. My only experience was modelling in a Macmillan fashion show, but I just went for it. I ended up being signed to a top London agency.
“Within the first year, I got some big campaigns, which included swimwear shoots. Initially, I was nervous to strip off as I wasn’t super body confident. In fact, I used to weigh myself everyday and let my mood be determined by the number on the scale. But I pushed myself and the feedback I got from other women my age seeing the photos was overwhelming. It gave me a massive confidence boost.
“From working in the industry, I can see that fashion has become more inclusive, but we have a long way to go when it comes to ageism. It feels like tokenism, as though companies just try to tick the age box. But where are the diverse older models? The curvy older models? We all need to be represented.
“The representation isn’t consistent either. I might be being booked for jobs, but when I go on the brand’s website there are usually just one or two older women alongside me. Then I might not be booked again for another two years. We need to move away from this stigma that women over 50 become invisible and don’t want to buy clothes. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
“While I’m thrilled to represent older women, the anti-ageing message in the industry as a whole is something I just can’t get on board with. What’s wrong with ageing? I’m glad I’m getting older – it means I’m still alive!
“That’s why I’ve embraced it with open arms. I stopped dyeing my hair when I was 45 and went grey. I shared my decision on Facebook and I got a lot of comments, mostly in jest, but there was an underlying tone of shock. I know many people believe that grey hair isn’t attractive, but I’ve found embracing my natural hair really liberating.
“On my social media, I practise what I preach. I show up in my swimwear and lingerie. They’re not edited photos, they’re just me enjoying my life. I think it’s only right that women can feel free enough to show the real them online and I hope I encourage others to do it too.
“Another thing that is important to me is giving midlife women a voice and a space to be heard. I created Liberté-Free To Be for that reason, it’s a podcast, blog and Facebook group, and I interview a different woman every weekend.
“Obviously, there are days where I get backlash for being a confident older model. There’s a lot more judgement, particularly from women who are perhaps still stuck in that stereotypical narrative that you can’t wear certain things at a certain age. But I never take it on board, nor do I relay any negativity to my kids. I have a responsibility to talk about myself with kindness, so they too learn to love the skin their in.
“My two girls, who are in their twenties, feel liberated seeing their mum so confident. For them to see that I’m a size 16, with cellulite, and I’m living life to the full is crucial. It’s a good message for my son, too. We’re all beautiful in our own way and the worst thing we can do is compare ourselves to others. Our bodies always have been, and always will be good enough.”
FACEBOOK.COM/LIBERTEFREETOBE,
INSTAGRAM @RACHELPERU1
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