'My wife cheated because of her gastric band - the NHS op has cost our marriage'

13 July 2023 , 12:10

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[stock image] Paul's wife of 17 years cheated after losing weight from a gastric band procedure (Image: Getty Images)

Gastric band stories are usually synonymous with success - with gleaming weight watchers who have dropped dress sizes sharing dramatic before and after pictures online.

But for Paul, from Kent, whose wife had a gastric band procedure on the NHS almost a year ago, it has been a tale of misery that has 'ruined his life'.

The 46-year-old has been happily married for 17 years, or so he thought. He is now faced with the prospect of divorcing his beloved wife after she cheated on him amid her newfound confidence following the weight loss op.

Paul, who wished not to disclose his surname, admits his wife had always felt conscious of her weight, but her feelings of doubt intensified when she put on the pounds five years ago.

He could visibly see it was getting her down as she went from a size 12, which she had been up until she hit her forties, to weighing 16 and a half stone at size 20 just before going under the knife.

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"My wife has been conscious of her weight since I married her, but she's always been perfect in my eyes," Paul told the Mirror. "Since the op, she is back closer to a size 12 or 14 which was astonishing but it spelled trouble.

Paul's wife became desperate for surgery after hitting 16 stone (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

"I never said anything about her weight and the gain was nothing that couldn't have been fixed with more regular exercise and dieting. I did my bit, encouraging us to get out and walk but it was always a fad and her size was getting her down.

"There's no shortage of stories in the media and on bloody social media about wonder drugs and operations, and she became an expert on gastric band surgery. Clothes not fitting and looking bad in holiday photos were really getting her down too.

"After lots of appointments, she was able to get one on the NHS. She was so desperate and set on the op as the only way to lose weight and start feeling herself again. I was anti the op but did support her, but now I wish I didn't it's ruined my life."

Five months on from the gastric band operation - where a band is placed around the upper stomach to create a small pouch of stomach to restrict what you can eat - Paul noticed a change in his wife's appearance and mood. She started to receive compliments from people they bumped into when the couple was out and about or shopping at the supermarket.

And Paul says he paid her kind comments too. But after noticing the changes initially, he also clocked on that she was spending more time out of the house and less time with Paul - which she hadn't done for the whole duration of their marriage.

Paul says she managed to get the operation paid for by the NHS, but he says it was the worst thing to have happened (Getty Images)

It transpired that his wife had been having an affair with a colleague at her office. "She came clean to me," Paul reflected.

"She met him at work which was the last thing I expected. She has an admin job. I didn't realise any blokes worked there or she'd never mentioned them and apparently, he's a bit younger which all makes sense.

"She sat me down and told me the truth which is fair enough but it has broken me. I feel sick every time I hear or read about gastric bands as it's cost me my marriage."

Paul's wife admitted that she felt the surgery had given her a new lease of life, making her feel like she "did in her late twenties." He added: "It's like our marriage is this dark cloud that was holding her back but I never felt like that and I was sure she didn't.

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"She kept saying she still loves me, but the shock and anger I still have means I still can't face considering being with her again. To be married that long and in love and support her even though she was struggling with her weight.

"Even though she said it was a one-off thing with a colleague she's a totally different person. Always uploading photos to social media now, she'd never done that before.

"I love my wife and seeing her happy is all I’ve ever wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been the perfect husband but on the whole, we’d had very good lives together. I guess you could say that it is bittersweet and her being happy is what matters most but it’s still quite raw and I still love her. As time goes on, knowing she’s happy in her new body is what matters most I suppose."

The couple are now living separately as they decide what to do about their house together. Paul added: "It's all because of this operation. I'd warn anyone else to think twice if their partner wants this op."

Paul contacted Illicitencounters.com's resident sex and relationships expert, Jessica Leoni, to ask for advice and warn others of the dangers of their partner getting cosmetic surgery. Leoni commented: "Ops like a gastric sleeve, or cosmetic surgery improve people's appearance and that breeds confidence and self-esteem which are linked to attractiveness.

"This does the heighten the chance of additional attention from potential affair partners and sadly for Paul that is what has played out here. It's important not to question the happiness he and his wife might have shared in their marriage. People do evolve and this can be over-emphasised and sped up if cosmetic treatment is used - it can really change people."

Saffron Otter