'I don't like sex with my boyfriend - but I've been with him for three years'
A graduate student says they're not sexually attracted to anyone - including their boyfriend of three years.
Mickie Wadsworth, 24, says they don't 'feel romantic love' and realised they were asexual when they had sex for the first time at 17 and "felt meh" after.
They would want to make-out or hold hands with others but said those desires disappeared when things get more sexual. Mickie labels themselves as a sex indifferent asexual – meaning they are not repulsed by sex but feel detached from it.
For Mickie, finding someone "physically attractive" is important and they are now in a committed three-year relationship with their partner, David, 24, an actor.
Mickie (right) with partner David (left) (SWNS)The couple have sex as Mickie says "sex attraction is separate to sex drive" and says they can get "horny just for the feeling".
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Mickie is also 'aromantic' and has little or no romantic attraction to others and says it would be "a bit of a stretch to say I'm in love with anyone".
Mickie, a music composition graduate student, living in Albany, New York State, said: "The first time I had sex I thought 'this is different to what I thought it was going to be like'.
"I just felt 'meh'. The desire disappears when things get sexual. I need to be very physically attracted to someone in a relationship.
"I've never once looked at someone and thought 'I want to see you unclothed'. I don't feel romantic love.
"I love David and our relationship. It would be a stretch to say I'm in love with anyone."
Mickie loves David and their relationship (SWNS)
Mickie uses they/them pronouns (SWNS)Mickie realised the way they viewed people was different when they went through puberty.
They said: "I would still want to make out and hold hands. But that wasn't extending further to sex.
"So many people says sex is great and awesome but the desire I experienced was absent from sex."
Mickie struggled with their sexuality growing up as they told them what they were feeling wasn't "real".
They said: "I was told I don't act right. When I came out as asexual they told me it wasn't real.
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"I get comments like – your hormones are not right' or 'You're just making it up'. They tell me I just haven't found the right person yet.
"If you were to say to a gay person you just haven't found the right woman yet that would be seen as homophobic.
"Society is oversexualized. Sex is seen as a necessity.
They say the concept of sex can sometimes feels 'gross' (SWNS)
Mickie (right) with partner David (left) (SWNS)"If you experience it differently it's seen as something wrong or something that needs to be fixed."
Although Mickie is currently sex indifferent they say their feelings can fluctuate and sometimes they will identify as sex adverse – in which the concept of sex feels 'gross' and not something they want to do.
In Mickie's dating life they have usually gravitated towards people who are accepting of asexuality but they have had to deal with 'unpleasant' comments and conversations.
They said: "I have had unpleasant conversations with guys on Tinder. An ex told me when we broke up: 'I felt like I was raping you.'
"It was devastating for me. People can't get over that I can't desire them in a certain way."
Mickie is now in a "happy and healthy" relationship with David and they have been together three years.
Mickie said: "He respects my gender identity. I got lucky."
Mickie says they can get "horny" and can have a sex drive.
They said: "I can get horny just for the feeling. I don't want to have sex with them specifically.
"Sex drive is like I feel like doing this or I don't. Sexual attraction is like 'I want to do this with this person.'"
Mickie also describes themselves as 'aromantic' and doesn't feel romantic love.
They said: "I could do date someone or I could not date someone. I don’t feel romantic love but I feel other forms of love.
"I always say to David 'I love you in my own way'. We have a happy, healthy relationship.
"Asexuality and aromantic is a grey area. It's a spectrum."
David said: "I have always known Mickie as they/them. I'm not someone who is that physically driven.
"A lack of the constant physical side is not a big deal for me. It's allowed me to get to know Mickie on a deeper level.
"It's not to say the physical doesn't exist but it's not a pillar of our relationship. I feel a strong romantic connection.
"How Mickie interprets the word love is different. Just because they are aromantic doesn't mean we don't have romance.
"We have a different definition of love but that doesn't mean it's not as real.
"I feel very loved. They are an amazing partner."
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