'My son was born anxious and autistic - we celebrate his differences every day'
When Kellie Barker welcomed her third child into the world, she noticed that he behaved differently. Baby Oscar wouldn't wave, he stopped saying 'mama' and he'd always bang his head against the wall.
After failing his 18-month check-up, Kellie and her husband Brendan discussed the possibility of Oscar having a developmental disorder - though agreed it "wouldn't change their love for him".
Then at two-years-old, Oscar was diagnosed with autism and later epilepsy, extreme anxiety and ADHD. His family chose to view him as "having extra bits, not less".
On World Autism Acceptance Day, Kellie opens up to the Mirror about life as a mum of a child living with complex autism. She said: "It's the most intense, amazing and rewarding job I never signed up for."
Kellie says being Oscar's mum is intense, amazing and rewarding every day (Kellie Barker)
Nine-year-old Oscar has complex autism, extreme anxiety and ADHD (Kellie Barker)"Oscar is severely autistic and profoundly affected by his sensory system - the world is too loud for him," Kellie, 45, explained.
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"His extreme anxiety means he can be in a very heightened state when he wakes up for no reason, and he prefers to see people in positive moods."
Nine-year-old Oscar "doesn't like to witness anybody angry or upset as he doesn't understand emotion", so Kellie and Brendan always have to be joyful around him.
"We sing to each other to prove that we are happy. My husband and I will even find ourselves bickering in a high-pitched sing-song voice - it's hilarious really," she said.
Oscar is non-verbal but will often correct someone if they pronounce a word wrong, and he is learning languages on his iPad.
Kellie gave up her job to care for her son and wouldn't have it any other way (KMG / SWNS)"Oscar amazes me every day. He has a natural affinity to languages and I've learnt that he can now speak Spanish, Russian and Korean, even though we haven't taught him," Kellie said.
Whenever Kellie leaves the house, she has to make sure his iPad is connected to the internet and charged - if not, it will cause a meltdown.
"We have no volume on the television, only subtitles. Oscar has around 70 soft toys on his bed and he loves reading books every night," she explained.
"The autism side of his brain needs everything calm, but the ADHD side wants to process as much information as possible.
"He also suffers with absent seizures and a very serious eating disorder. He was recently admitted into hospital because he starved himself for a week."
Oscar is non-verbal and gets distressed when people around him don't appear happy (Kellie Barker)
Kellie set up clothing company Born Anxious to help raise awareness of autism (Kellie Barker)Oscar's autism impacts the whole family and his older siblings, Lorcan, 17, and Orla, 22, are very caring and understanding of his differences.
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"Orla once cried because Oscar ate a little bit of potato. She was so proud of him," Kellie, from Kent, said.
Though strangers haven't always been so kind - when Oscar was young and he kicked off in public, one person told Kellie: "If he were my child, I'd smack him".
The negative feedback and misunderstanding inspired Kellie to set up her own clothing company in 2018, called Born Anxious - because Oscar was just that.
The organic T-shirts are printed with slogans like 'be kind, I have autism' and 'unpredictable and amazing', so members of the public know to give Oscar space.
They are now loved by thousands of families with autistic children across the nation, including Katie Price and Harvey - who even have an exclusive line with Kellie.
Harvey Price has his own collection and designed a range of frog-themed clothes (Kellie Barker)
Kellie says mums like Katie Price and Christine McGuinness are changing perceptions (Kellie Barker)"Harvey wore one of our T-shirts at an event in 2021 that said 'I don't like loud noise' and he felt safe in it," Kellie explained.
"Later down the line, we got chatting and Katie suggested Harvey design his own collection with drawings of frogs, so we bought it to life."
Harvey has now had two lines with Born Anxious and last World Autism Awareness Day - now changed to Acceptance Day - he joined their fashion show in London.
"We created a sensory passport for every single person that took part, including Harvey, and we adapted to avoid flashing lights and lower the runway. There was not a dry eye in the house," Kellie said.
Kellie recently watched Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism and believes it's helped to "open up a conversation for women who face late diagnoses".
"It is so brave of her to speak so publicly about her journey and use her experiences to help others," Kellie said.
"Both Katie and Christine are using their platforms and voices as parents of children with autism for good to raise awareness."
Kellie hopes World Autism Acceptance Day encourages people to think differently (Steven Carter Hewson)Kellie can relate to the reality and challenges of parenting a disabled child, and gave up her long-term job that she thoroughly enjoyed years ago to care for him.
"I turn up every single day and prioritise his needs. I've accepted that's the way it is," she said.
"The relationship I have with Oscar is the most intense relationship I've ever had in my life. I know that kid inside out and what makes him tick - he knows that I do too.
"Autism is a beautiful thing. Our little boy wakes up most days excited like it's Christmas morning."
Kellie believes today is significant for future generations of kids and it's important to "encourage people to think differently about inclusion".
"I believe we are heading towards a shift in perspective and there's a real drive to all work together towards a common goal of greater acceptance and understanding," she said.
"The belief that disabled people are worth less is prehistoric and we should treat them equally and celebrate their differences."
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