'My husband ruined my maternity leave with our daughter – I can't forgive him'
A new mother has shared her ‘heartbreak’ after claiming her husband’s paternity leave ruined her experience of bonding with her newborn baby. After admitting she was grateful to live in a country with publicly funded maternity and paternity leave, she said that the four months her husband was home with her and the baby substantially altered the vision of how she imagined her year with her first child.
She said: “He hated to hear her cry and would never let me put her down. She exclusively contact-napped until six-months-old. He hovers and never gives me time alone with the baby. He is so engaged to the point like he is the better parent.” And after confessing her heartbreak when her baby reaches for her husband instead of her, she said: “Between his overbearing style and the internet, I haven’t developed much confidence in my abilities as a mum.”
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She went on to say that her husband’s direct approach to parenting was not only causing problems with her, but with their daughter’s sleep, also: “We spend hours rocking her to sleep at night and he will not allow any type of sleep training. She attends day care between naps, for about 3 hrs, and he infantilises her to the point that we can never get anything done.”
She also said he wouldn’t let her child play alone, with his actions making her life miserable: “I want to run away. I’m sure I have some Postpartum anxiety or depression going on, but I just deeply resent that he has taken this experience from me. It seems his desire to be a good dad is at the expense of my ability to be a good mum.”
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After revealing her true feelings on Reddit, readers were quick to offer their support to the first-time mother, with one saying: “I hope you get some comfort knowing this happens to many, many, many first-time parents.”
Another commented: “My two girls each went through a couple of phases where they only wanted their dad. I was just the maid, all they saw was daddy. I was jealous with the first child, but I learned by the second one that it’s a phase and you will both take turns being the favourite. Good luck momma.”
Other readers encouraged her to seek advice on how she was feeling, with one saying: “It sounds like you might need to seek some help. It’s very common to have Postpartum depression,” while others saw the benefits to her husband’s parenting style: “I'd try and reframe how you're looking at this situation, stop comparing you to him... the roles are completely separate. You are a team.”
Another reader agreed, saying: “Speak to your husband honestly. Without any accusatory language – what you have here is a good foundation. You are both actively involved and caring parents – you have a team. You're not alone,” advised one. “You are loved by a beautiful family. Be open. Talk about emotions without blame. Tell him how you feel.”
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