Woman thought her Tinder date was 'sweet' before she was 'spiked and date raped'
A woman who says her Tinder date spiked her drink then raped her is warning other women to be extra vigilant.
Writer Zoe Rosi, 36, felt like she'd won the lottery after matching with a man who seemed "sweet and charming".
He was, she thought, "a cut above your average Tinder guy", even taking the time to read a book she'd written.
However Zoe believes this man ended up spiking her drink on their date in a south London pub and later raped her at her home in Greenwich, leaving her feeling like her 'spark' and zest of life had been put out.
Four years on from the traumatic experience, Zoe is ready to tell her story of being 'date raped' in a bid to warn others.
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Zoe says she met the man at the pub in December 2018 after chatting for a few days and things were initially going well. She'd had one glass of wine and went to the loo, leaving her final glass of wine on the table.
Zoe hopes speaking about her traumatic experience will encourage other women to be extra vigilant (Zoe Rosi)"When I got back, we carried on drinking and chatting," Zoe told MyLondon. "Yet within about half an hour, I was feeling completely out of it. I can normally handle my drink fairly well so this was really unusual for me. I was feeling disorientated. My date suggested we get some fresh air.
"He then suggested he see me home in a taxi. At the time, I genuinely thought he was looking out for me and I was embarrassed about the state I was in."
She says the following morning she woke up in her bedroom next to him, naked, feeling "confused and violated". But she was left questioning whether it was her fault and felt scared to admit to herself that she had been raped.
She said: "I could feel that we had [had sex] and I had a fleeting memory of him on top of me, which must have happened before I blacked out completely. I felt confused and violated. I knew what had happened was very wrong but I didn't know how to process it. He woke up and was acting fairly normally, as though we'd just had an awkward one-night stand.
"This completely threw me. Was he right? Had I just drunk too much? Was it my fault I couldn't remember anything? I wondered if the shame of what had happened was my problem. He left and I lay in bed feeling really quite unreal. Deep down, I knew that what had happened was wrong.
The pair met on dating app Tinder (AFP via Getty Images)"I hadn't been conscious and I couldn't remember anything, how could I have consented? And yet, I was too scared to acknowledge the idea that I'd been raped. It felt too big and too scary.
"After that night, I ended up feeling very numb and depressed. I felt like a ghost going through the motions of my life. My self-esteem and spark had gone. I was anxious and I felt defeated and worthless, as though I was just a piece of meat that men could use, someone who wasn't worth respecting. As the weeks passed, I started feeling more and more angry and frustrated."
The feelings of shame and confusion meant that Zoe didn't immediately go to the police with her allegations. It was only when she came across a YouTube video about a woman describing being 'roofied' (when someone spikes your drink with a drug without your knowledge) that she realised what had happened to her.
But given the weeks that had passed, all DNA evidence had gone. And text messages showed she hadn't raised the issue with the man in the days that followed the incident. "It would be my word against his," she added. "I felt really lost. I've always been a proactive person but in this situation, there was nothing I could do."
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Zoe believes her wine was spiked by the man when she went to the toilet (Getty Images)But while Zoe tried to put what happened to her behind her, it still left a huge psychological impact on her mental health and attempts to date again in the future. She says she wasn't able to go on dates for a long time, for fear that it would happen again.
She said: "I went back on Tinder once, but I couldn't stand it. I felt nervous and wary to the point that I couldn't open up or talk to anyone, and like my heart sunk every time I saw the app on my phone. I just couldn't do it so I deleted it."
She warns other women that, regrettably, they have to be vigilant when going on dates with 'strangers' on dating apps.
As recommended by the NHS, she calls on women to try not to wash or change your clothes immediately after a sexual assault. This may destroy forensic evidence that could be important if you decide to report the assault to the police.
Zoe added: "I gaslit myself and denied my own feelings and reality. I think it's important not to do this. Be honest with officers and yourself. And I think it's important to get to know people and get to know their lives before you get involved with them.
"But also, when we think of predators, we think of overtly creepy men, but the truth is that most predators are not like that. It's not black and white. I found my rapist to be sweet and charming at first. This is why it's really important to be vigilant."
Since her ordeal, Zoe has channeled her feelings of distress and frustration into a writing a book titled Pretty Evil which she describes as 'The Devil Wears Prada meets American Psycho'.
She is also now in a happy relationship with a man who she met online - but spent years talking to over the phone before their friendship blossomed into a loving relationship.
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