10 things that will almost definitely happen in the Premier League in 2024
That Sergio Aguero goal, Paulo di Canio pushing over Paul Alcock, Darren Bent's shot going in off a balloon - it's often impossible to foresee what's coming in the Premier League.
And yet on the other hand, the frenzied phenomenon that is English top-flight football can be as repetitive as it is exhilarating. VAR causing controversy, Reece James getting injured, Ange Postecoglou calling someone 'mate'. All now as predictable to fans as night following day.
We'll enter 2024 with what's shaping up to be the most wide-open Premier League title race for years, and the battle to survive has also taken a twist following Everton's 10-point deduction. But as the predictions fly in and the bookies shorten their odds on Frenkie de Jong joining Man United (again), Mirror Football gives you 10 guarantees on things that WILL definitely (maybe) happen........
1: Man City will be champions (again)
Apologies for shattering illusions, but let's start with the obvious.
Arsenal finally looking the real deal? Liverpool lasting the pace? Aston Villa's underdog story? Yes, all are nice notions when promoting the narrative that this season's title race is shaping up to be a thrilling one. It's just a shame we already all know the ending.
Marcel Sabitzer completes Man Utd transfer after last-minute deadline day dash
City's pre-Everton run of just one win in six league games almost smacks of Pep Guardiola and co getting bored, opting to deliberately switch off for a few weeks and give themselves something to get fired-up about. Since the millions were pumped in from the Middle East though, history has shown that City don't lose title races - unless they aren't properly in one to begin with.
It might go to the wire. It might leave Reds fans lamenting more final day heartbreak. It might have Mikel Arteta reflecting on his team getting that little bit closer again. But for all the hype, the Premier League has become a simple concept - 20 teams battle like hell over 38 games and in the end, Man City wins.
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Will Manchester City win the Premier League again in 2023/24? (Visionhaus/Getty Images)2: Liverpool to lose at 12.30pm
For all Jurgen Klopp's bleating over his side being given Saturday lunchtime kick-offs, apparently part of a wider conspiracy to stop them being successful - the stats don't actually back him up.
From the four occasions Liverpool have been handed that slot this season, they've accumulated 10 points. And the only draw came at the Etihad - hardly the kind of record you'd expect from a Superman XI supposedly tackling an abundance of kryptonite.
But brace yourselves, the German boss has long been building up to the next time his team does lose while most mere mortals are contemplating a bacon sandwich. And when it happens, even the most legitimate of reporter enquiries will prompt the type of spontaneous combustion that will make Neil Warnock blush.
Jurgen Klopp does not enjoy Liverpool playing at 12.30pm on a Saturday (PA)3: 'Woy' will stay another day
It's the summer of 2024, an uninspired Crystal Palace have cemented their Premier League status for another year, Roy Hodgson is nearing his 76th birthday, and the fans are craving more excitement.
So what comes next? Steve Parish rewarding him with a one-year extension and a 'final' year in football management of course. The ex-England boss, while awkward and uncomfortable in his press-conference confirming his latest retirement u-turn, will accept the deal and as reasoning, will cite wife Sheila getting agitated by the prospect of having him around full-time.
Perhaps few can blame Parish, still scarred by the failed Frank de Boer and Patrick Vieria experiments, for keeping faith in a figure he knows will almost certainly preserve top-flight status. It will just mean 12 more months of utterly futile TV interviews that's all.
Roy Hodgson has vowed to leave Crystal Palace next summer4: Saudi chiefs to sack Howe
So it was nice while it lasted. Middle East owners coming in at Newcastle, building sensibly, making a shrewd managerial appointment, and undoubtedly seeing patience rewarded with on-field progress.
Man Utd deadline day live updates as Sabitzer completes loan move
But let's face it, football chiefs from Saudi only stay measured and calm for so long, especially when they're pumping billions into a project. And what is turning into an underwhelming second season will ultimately conclude with their measured approach being washed away.
While Hodgson extends his stay in London, over in the north east Howe will be packing his bags, and the club will be abandoning their steady approach for a Hollywood managerial name capable of bringing Neymar to Tyneside to resurrect his career. In the meantime, the English boss will wait for the England job post-Euro 2024, and assistant Jason Tindall will be installed as the bookies' favourites for the next ' I'm a celeb ' series.
Eddie Howe at the end of Newcastle v Nottingham Forest (Richard Lee/REX/Shutterstock)5: Erik ten Hag to botch a transfer window
You don't accumulate the net worth of Sir Jim Ratcliffe without being a successful businessman.
But this depiction of the INEOS chief as the Manchester United messiah ready to turn around fortunes with his minority stake purchase doesn't stack up against his previous sporting endeavours. And come the summer, United fans might as well watch from behind the sofa as news filters in of how Erik ten Hag is spending the new investment.
There will be a failed, and prolonged, transfer saga that centres around a world class talent of the ilk of a Victor Osimhen or Harry Kane. Instead, amid calls to keep faith with the manager because he's had to deal with incompetent owners, expect millions to be splashed out on a number of ex-Ajax stars that will promise much, but deliver little.
Erik ten Hag's transfer decisions have been criticised (DAVID CLIFF/EPA-EFE/REX/Shutterstock)6: Cristian Romero will be red-carded
Classy defender, World Cup winner, walking red card.
Tottenham fans could be forgiven for daydreaming about where they'd be right now had Cristian Romero not opted to tackle with his studs as they led Chelsea 1-0, sparking a run of five games without a win. He got away with similar in the victory over Newcastle, and for a centre-back proven at a high level his understanding of tackle laws runs parallel with Matt Le Tissier's knowledge of vaccinations.
To predict Romero will be sent-off in the Premier League is too easy. Put your money on it happening two or three times, minimum.
Christian Romero was eventually sent off by Michael Oliver when Tottenham faced Chelsea (Getty Images)7: Nunez to bag best goal and biggest miss
Hard working, mobile, powerful - the strengths of Darwin Nunez are countered somewhat by his tendency to look incapable of hitting a barn door.
At 24, time remains for the Uruguayan to fulfil his potential and develop into a consistent, world class performer. But expect him to combine the traits of Cristiano Ronaldo and Ade Akinbiyi for some time yet.
We'll predict that when it comes to rounding up the best Premier League goals of 2024, Nunez will have produced an effort that tops the lot. And in a unique double, he'll also be clear when experts assess the biggest misses, probably having broken a crossbar when getting over-excited with a powerful volley from three yards out.
Darwin Nunez has been inconsistent at Liverpool (Clive Rose/Getty Images)8: VAR to relegate Luton
Just to clarify here, picking on Luton is not any kind of insinuation that they do not belong in the Premier League.
But while VAR continues to prompt debate, derision, and TV time for Howard Webb, it's not until the technology really does influence an outcome of huge magnitude that it will cement its status as football's most-hated concept. That time however, is surely approaching.
Will VAR cost a team a place in the Premier League? (Getty Images)2024 will be the year that VAR dubiously overturns an injury-time decision that alters the destination of the title, or sends a team to the Championship. Given how the Hatters have defied expectation in what is thus far the underdog story of the 2023/24 campaign, it would be cruelly fitting if the misfiring system was responsible for them finishing in the bottom three after their final day clash with Fulham.
And then, the debate over livelihoods and ruining the beautiful game really will take off. As will Mike Dean's on-air explanatory nonsense.
9: Toney to struggle at Arsenal
The only thing more remarkable than Ivan Toney being found guilty of 232 separate betting charges is his subsequent defiant implication that he is actually the victim in all of this.
Arsenal want to sign Ivan Toney in January (Getty Images)The striker's behaviour since the scandal has been somewhat bewildering, speculating over a timing conspiracy designed to cost him a World Cup place - and during his lay-off he's hardly pledged his future to the club currently sticking by him. Links are growing stronger of a move from Brentford to Arsenal, a switch that will surely happen in the summer if not January.
Some Arsenal fans are hailing him as final piece of the jigsaw in their Premier League title challenge, a somewhat optimistic view given by the time he returns he won't have kicked a football competitively for eight months. If, or when, Toney does move across London, expect him to take a while to find his feet.
10: City to be cleared of wrongdoing
We started with an inevitable outcome for Manchester City, and we'll finish with one too.
So with Everton fans still raging at being deducted 10 Premier League points, bold predictions are flying around over the fate that awaits City if they're found guilty of just some of the 115 charges they face for alleged financial breaches. The completely neutral Jamie Carragher has been one to essentially suggest Erling Haaland will soon be firing goals past Hashtag United in the Isthmian Football League.
He won't be of course. City will have at their disposal with most expensive, and effective, legal team on the planet ready to hone in on every loophole and piece of legislation they need. And in the true spirit of authorities turning a blind eye for years to the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona, the eventual punishment, if any, will represent a mere ripple amid the City tidal wave of success.
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