'My teen daughter wants to wear a sexy Halloween costume - she's too young'
Halloween can bring up all sorts of problems in the home, sugar intake, whose house you can trick-or-treat at, and maybe the most difficult subject; costumes. It can be jarring to see your child graduate away from endearing, bloated pumpkin costumes, to things that they decide to wear. It prompted one mum to ask the question 'when is too early for your child to start dressing up in “sexy” costumes on Halloween'?
She said on : “My daughter, 15, told me about her Halloween costume when she came home from school. She and her friends have been really getting into cosplay.” The issue came with the particular material of costume that the teen wanted to sport. She added: “She has asked me if I could buy her a latex costume based on one of her favourite anime characters. Most of them are very cute and fun, but there are a couple I have second thoughts about. When I saw that her choice is a latex costume I said absolutely not! I have never seen her so mad! She started crying of course.”
At this point the mum tried to impart some sage advice about age-appropriate costumes she said: “I tried to tell her that those costumes aren’t appropriate for her age.” However, her daughter had an interesting response and emotionally told her mother that she was “sexualising” her costume choice. The mother added: “She has been sulking all week and ignoring her homework. I really don’t know what to do at this point. When I ask her the other options, they are still revealing.”
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She asked the ultimate question to other parents: “Should I put my foot down for good or am I just being a prude?” Jordana came back with some balanced advice to soothe the mother’s woes. Jordana said that she should remember, that she is the authority figure and it's okay for her to set boundaries with her child.
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She said: “First and foremost, remember that it's a teen's job to push back and be defiant - and yes have a tantrum when you say no - but if that’s your boundary, as a parent, stick with it. Always lead with that you want to keep her safe, try not to get too emotional, because heightened emotions will only escalate matters.” She also said that some open conversation could be key to resolving the issue adding that “it can be helpful to ask your child their intentions behind the costume but be careful not to body-shame them in the process.
“It’s normal for teenagers to be curious about sex and for them to explore their sexuality. Avoid shaming her in general, as this will only hurt her and possibly encourage her to hide her “real costume” from you. Open dialogue, empathy and honesty will be your best friends here - from Halloween through the teen years. If you can have an open dialogue where both parties listen to the other, you may just find a compromise that lets your teen express themselves without doing too much, too fast.”
She offered a phrase that might be useful to initiate this conversation: “‘I am concerned that you might not feel comfortable in that costume’” - this could have two interpretations, one being a physical comfort, latex isn’t fun for many, especially a teenager. And secondly, much like Barbie in the real world, recognising that when the gaze is on you, you feel less comfortable.”
She said it was important to reiterate rules about going out and make it clear weather she is staying at a friend's house, with all girls. She said: “You might feel a little more secure, however, once they go out, the feelings change. Sit down and try to come to a compromise, a different costume, offer to host her and her girlfriends at your place, including her in the process will ensure a healthier relationship in the long run. Remind your teen that you are on the same team: wanting them to grow up to be the healthiest version of themselves.”
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