Former Premier League referee sends message to teenager after debut abuse
What kind of world are we living in when a schoolgirl is reduced to tears by so-called grown ups on a Sunday morning park pitch? We can bury our head in the sand and pretend things like this don’t happen. But this is exactly what happened, and is happening and worryingly is on an upward trend in frequency
Gabby, a 14-year-old referee, was left in floods of tears during an U7 game - and to make things worse it was her debut match since qualifying as a ref.
This was not an isolated incident. Referees of all ages up and down the country are choosing to hang up their whistles and leave the game in their droves rather than running the gauntlet of hate from people who really should know better.
It's not just words, it's actions too with verbal abuse often spilling over into physical assaults. The FA revealed that 380 bans were issued for attacks or threats towards referees and match officials in grassroots football last season.
It got so bad that The Merseyside Youth Football League was forced to cancel fixtures last October to take a stand against a rise in abuse towards officials.
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The grief Gabby received during her first match in the middle is sadly not exceptional, but what can we do about it?
A steward's 'Respect' bib, aimed at reminding spectators at grassroots football matches to behave in a supportive way. (Team Grassroots)Through this new Mirror column we aim to shine a light on the serious issues in grassroots football as well as celebrating the unsung heroes and tapping into the weekend obsessions of everyone involved with the game.
Between us, the authors of this column are proud champions of the grassroots game. Paul Kirton is the founder and managing director of Team Grassroots, the UK's number 1 grassroots football organisation, and Mat Kendrick is a senior editor at the Mirror's parent company Reach PLC, who runs the Kick N Mix newsletter for parents of football-mad kids.
On the back of the abuse Gabby received, we were able to reach out to former Premier League referee Mark Halsey, who had some timely words of encouragement in a personal video he sent to the budding match official.
You can see the video above, but the key message was this: ‘Listen, it’s not personally at you, it’s at that uniform that you’ve got on.”
Former Premier League referee Mark Halsey sent a message of support to a 14-year-old ref who was verbally abused by spectators. (Getty Images Europe)So how do we get the primary offenders on the sidelines to see beyond that uniform, the referee’s kit, to show compassion, patience and understanding to the person inside?
Paul was at the scene for Gabby’s debut. When you see a child in floods of tears, you quickly remember they’re not referees, they’re children refereeing.
But it shouldn’t need to take a teenager’s tears for us to remember that.
At Team Grassroots, in the Mirror’s Kick N Mix kids’ football newsletter and in this column going forwards you will hear a lot about respect in the game as we are massive advocates for it.
'Respect' is great as a buzzword and a catch-all directive but what does it actually mean on an individual, personal level?
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Well, in our opinion, the burden should be on parents and coaches to police themselves and behave in an appropriate manner.
We’re not talking about Hollywood villains, pantomime baddies or hardened criminals, we’re talking about normal people like you and I whose love of the game just so happens to have prompted them to spend their leisure time by the side of a football field.
What must emerge is a new consensus on what is acceptable, be it from players, coaches or – especially prevalent at youth games – spectators, most of whom are parents.
Perspective in grassroots football is everything. One person’s good tackle is another’s red card.
We’re at a bit of a crossroads now, however, and need to have difficult conversations that reset the lines of what is appropriate.
When those lines are breached we need the penalties to have teeth to bite harder, but personal responsibility has to be at the heart of whatever we choose to do.
Put yourself or one of your loved ones in that referee's uniform.
Much of the anger and frustration that builds up on touchlines is because parents desperately want their kids to do well, to win matches, to get their just reward for the dedication they put into training and playing for their teams.
In the heat of the moment, the decision that rules out Little Johnny’s winning goal or sees a penalty awarded against Little Jenny obviously annoys their proud parents.
But what about the proud parents of the referee? The mums and dads who also want to see their kid rewarded for the hours of commitment he or she has put into becoming an official?
Think back to the stick a referee can get over a decision - ‘Are you blind, ref, you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re a disgrace’ and so on - and imagine if another parent directed similar abuse at your son or daughter for spurning a goalscoring chance or misplacing a pass.
Not a nice thought is it? But that’s exactly what we’re doing when we abuse referees.
As Halsey said: "Yes there will be bad days at the office, but don't worry about that. You will have an indifferent performances, you will make mistakes, but as long as you learn from them, park them and move on."
It’s not just the young referees, the older, more experienced ones deserve total respect too. Imagine if it was your dad, mum, husband or wife being ranted at, just for devoting their time to make sure a game of kids’ football goes ahead.
So next time when your temper is in danger of boiling over because you think your child has been hard done by, visualise your little darling in that referee kit, give yourself a moment to calm down, and even walk away from the sidelines for a couple of moments if that helps.
We had this message from a coach called Ben Bissett on Twitter recently: "Glorious start to the weekend! Reffing U9s. End to end stuff, game finished level, great strong clean football, finished with a fun shootout. Zero disrespect from any players, coaches or parents. In fact was a shining example of how youth football should be!"
He’s right.
Zero disrespect and football played in a positive environment conducive to children having fun shouldn’t be some utopian pipe dream, it should be the norm up and down the country every single weekend.
Do your bit this weekend for Gabby and thousands like her.
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