'I feel like I'm drifting apart from my mum after being made redundant'

27 February 2023 , 19:22

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Reader is jobless and has no one to talk to (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

I’m a 50-year-old woman and have been made redundant recently.

Over the years I’ve had a few different jobs, although none of them have been ­brilliant and I’m now signing on again.

My mum and I have always been very close, but sadly we’ve drifted apart over the past few months. As I’m not working, I can’t live the same kind of life as I did before – I can’t buy things the way I used to or go out much as I simply can’t afford it.

On the other hand, my brother also got made redundant around the same time I did and managed to pick up another job within a week. It’s a very good one with decent pay and he does a lot of travelling.

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Meanwhile, I don’t have much at all and I’m always being compared to him, and have no one to talk to about it.

Sadly, my dad died a couple of years ago and I don’t have many close friends to confide in either. But the thing that worries me the most is that I feel I’m losing the connection with my mum. What do I do?

Coleen says

You might be overthinking the relationship with your mum because you’re feeling bad about everything else.

Maybe you’re extra sensitive to the things she says and perhaps she’s not very tactful. My own mum was the least tactful person in the world! I loved her to pieces, but she often spoke before her brain was in gear.

I think you should sit down with your mum and tell her how you’re feeling – you’re a bit low, you’re doing your best to cope, but things aren’t great.

I bet if you said you feel she has more respect for your brother because he found a job, she’d tell you that wasn’t true at all.

At the age your mum is, she probably doesn’t realise how difficult things are on the job front for people.

But here’s the thing, your relationship with your mum doesn’t rely on having a job or money to buy her things and take her out. The connection comes from just being together and talking. You can do things that don’t involve spending money, like having a cup of tea together, or going on a walk.

She is still here, so confide in her. Don’t hide yourself away because you feel embarrassed. Thousands of people are in the same boat.

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I’d also suggest making the effort to reconnect with your friends and even find new ones through local groups.

When you’re feeling low, one of the most important things is to keep a connection with others.

Mind.org.uk has lots of good help online and you can also speak to your GP if you feel you’re struggling. Good luck with the job hunt.

Coleen Nolan