Tory team in a flap after cabinet reshuffle and attack by bird charity RSPB

02 September 2023 , 20:51

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Rishi Sunak reshuffled his cabinet this week (Image: Getty Images)

Like everyone in their right mind, the only thing I’ve really been concentrating on is the transfer window.

Thursday morning, I got a text: “Coutinho to DESNZ.” Weird move, why has he left Villa? Why were Leeds not in for him? Why move to some obscure Bulgarian outfit? It was not, though, after quite an embarrassing phone call cleared things up, the 31-year-old Brazilian midfielder, rather it was the 38-year-old Claire Coutinho MP, the former Merrill Lynch associate, on her way not to the Treta Liga but to the Department of Energy Security and Net Zero.

It was part of Mr Sunak’s mini-reshuffle and, to put it kindly, an interesting move. Ms Coutinho regularly voted against Net Zero and is now in charge of it. Grant Shapps went the other way to become our new Defence Secretary, replacing Ben Wallace, who some tipped for greatness.

Mr Shapps is an interesting choice. A political survivor, despite the odd scandal or two, defence will be his fifth Cabinet role in the past year. Half-minister, half-pub quiz question. “He might not be the best fit for defence but he’ll get to grips with it quickly,” said one Tory backbencher, “But at least he’s good on TV.” Yes, so is Noel Edmonds, but no one wants him with his finger on the button.

Team Tories are in a flap with the RSPB

Quite a week for the Tories, who seem to be getting stranger and stranger. In a bid to prove they are progressive, not in thrall to the dinosaurish thinking their party is riddled with, Penny Mordaunt said she will bring back national service. All 16-year-olds would be automatically conscripted, in a move the Commons Leader said would be great for the “goodwill and community spirit, energy and imagination” of teens.

Out of touch Rishi Sunak doesn't regularly read papers or online news sites

Not sure about that. I reckon what would improve the goodwill, community, energy and imagination of our youth would be affordable housing, the prospect of decent wages and schools made out of material that won’t collapse any second. But maybe a few months of litter-picking or something is what they’re really after. Weird week.

Maybe the weirdest bit being that notoriously radical, volatile pressure group the RSPB laying into the Government on social media. “Liars” they squawked, above a picture of Mr Sunak, Mr Gove and the lesser-spotted Ms Coffey. A Government that has fallen out with pretty much everyone can now add twitchers to its list. I’m using my time to monitor Bill Oddie’s Twitter feed. There’s nothing to indicate his position yet but it has some gems. My favourite: “I have just been touching up a model pelican in my garden.” We’ve all been there, Bill old son. All been there.

Keir Mudie