'My cancer makes me long for my late husband Brian more than ever'

30 August 2023 , 12:30

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Linda Nolan and Brian got married in 1981 (Image: DAILY MIRROR)

When you’re a child and you’re ill, there’s no one you want more than your mum or dad. They’re the only ones who can make you feel better.

It’s that feeling I get now in my lowest moments, only it’s my late husband Brian I want more than anyone. In the middle of the night when I’m scared, when I feel ill, or now as I wait for my latest scan results on Monday - as amazing as my sisters are, it’s him I want. He couldn’t change the outcome, but he’d make things just a little bit easier.

I’ve been thinking about him more than ever this week as it would have been our 42nd wedding anniversary on Monday - and Tuesday! Yes, naturally we had a two-day event.

Brian was divorced, so on the 28th August 1981 we married in a registry office, and the next day we had the big church affair. My sisters were bridesmaids, our mum sang Ave Maria, and Dad flushed his teeth down the toilet.

Linda spends time with her friends on her anniversary to cope with the pain (DAILY MIRROR)

I kid you not. It was a Bank Holiday, but luckily we got him an appointment with a dentist in Preston who provided him with a new set. We were only 40 minutes late. It was a beautiful day. I was so very lucky to meet Brian - although obviously he was luckier.

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After he died, I found anniversaries unbearable, but as time’s gone on I’ve tried to celebrate them; just to do something nice and not be alone. On Monday I met two of my oldest friends, Suzanne and Annette, who I’ve known since we were 11.

We had lunch for four hours. We’ve had very different lives but we always pick up where we left off. Suzanne admitted she fears she’s put her head in the sand about my illness and not been in touch enough. She got upset. But I know everyone handles this in their own way, and I’m just glad she told me.

I know she’s always there for me and seeing them really helped, we toasted me and Brian. My illness magnifies my grief for him, but in a way, I’m glad he isn’t here to experience the heartbreak. It helps that I believe I’ll see him again.

I imagine him with Bernie now, having a laugh. That brings me a lot of peace.

Linda Nolan