'I kissed a fish and liked it on a wet and wild Caribbean cruise with Princess'
You never forget the first time you snog a fish. Clammy skin, glassy staring eyes, a lingering odour.
And to be honest, Lisa, an 80lb stingray, wasn’t at her best that morning either as we embraced in the turquoise sea. Thankfully, marine biologists say she’ll make a full recovery.
I met my fishy femme fatale on a superb seven-night western Caribbean cruise with Princess, a voyage of variety that would take me from stingray wrangler to speedboats via a cat on a cold tin roof…
Hit the decks
My inner cruise nerd was delighted – a personal best of 36 minutes getting from a pre-cruise hotel to being on board a ship, in this case Caribbean Princess in Port Everglades, Fort Lauderdale.
Caribbean Princess is an older ship, but in good order with a fab crew and you’ll only really notice things like a lack of USBs and relatively few plugs in cabins, and public areas with a traditional rather than contemporary look.
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Nigel Thompson's 'holiday romance' with stingray Lisa (DAILY MIRROR)With a 4pm sailaway, I had time to grab a taco for lunch at the Salty Dog Grill by the pool, unpack in my balcony cabin, sort out excursions and dining reservations and enjoy a prosecco while watching the lively sailaway party and the view of Fort Lauderdale’s fine beaches as we headed into the ocean.
Havana nice day
I love a sea day, exploring the ship and generally faffing around.
Morning faffing included checking out the ice cream and coffee shop and a wander on the promenade where I spotted numerous flying fish, a turtle and the skyline of Havana as we passed the north coast of Cuba.
The Roatan wobbly suspension bridge Afternoon faffing relocated to the Sanctuary, a soothing paid-for
adults-only alfresco space with loungers, food and drink and the perfect place for tropical snoozing and reading.
Cayman get it
I knew little about our first stop, George Town in the Cayman Islands, other than it’s a tax haven with better beaches than tax-haven Luxembourg.
I’d signed up for a bus tour and boat trip out to Stingray City, a sand bar with 4ft deep water and dozens of rays large and small gliding about.
Some are accepting enough of humans (a lot of humans come here on tours) to allow themselves to be very gently handled by a local guide or boat skipper for a photo op.
Nigel Thompson by Caribbean Princess cruise ship in Cozumel, Mexico (DAILY MIRROR)The “regulars” have names. Big Mama was clearly underwhelmed by me, but I did catch Lisa’s eye and, even though she swam up for a “kiss” on our brief holiday romance, I never got her phone number. Fish are so fickle.
Back on board, after a mooch round the old George Town fort site and the port shops, there was a lounger at the stern with my name on it for some Kindle time and a view of the sailaway.
Walk this sway
Roatan island is off the coast of Honduras and Princess docks at beach resort Mahogany Bay. I’d got a beach visit lined up later on the cruise, so chose an excursion to Gumbalimba nature park to learn about plant-based medicines, local pirates (reputedly there is buried treasure hereabouts) and the history of the island.
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Nature-wise there were various iguanas, a weird rabbit that looked like a giant rat, macaws and cute capuchin monkeys.
The best bit for me was the 237ft-long wobbly, swaying wooden suspension bridge high over a lake. Channel your inner Indy.
Souvenir tin cat from Roatan, Honduras
Roatan, Honduras, beach scrap artwork (DAILY MIRROR)Back to the port via the somewhat dilapidated waterfront capital Coxen Hole (stop sniggering at the back), I headed to a craft shop run by local families who make delightful artworks from (mostly) old tin roofs. I bought a tin cat for the cat-on-a-cold-tin-roof gag and to support the local economy.
Belize to meet you
The world’s second biggest coral reef runs past Belize, so we anchor five miles off Belize City and take a tender in for a full-day excursion with fun guides Dora the Explorer and Shanna to the Mayan ruins at Lamanai, which translates as “submerged crocodile”.
After a 90-minute bus ride to the AyinHa Adventures centre and its acres of soursop trees – the leaves and fruit of which are being investigated for potential cancer-curing properties – followed by a frisky 35mph, 20-minute speedboat ride along a lagoon, we reached Lamanai’s 6th century Jaguar temple and ball court.
Nigel Thompson at the Lamanai Mayan site in Belize (DAILY MIRROR)Here, the captain of the winning Mayan ball game team was not sacrificed to please the gods, as was often the case in their culture, but instead had blood drawn from his penis. I’d throw the game.
On to two more impressive temples, including one you can climb up at the rear and then descend the face on insanely steep steps. Halfway down I considered that penile phlebotomy might actually be preferable.
Spin there, done that
As I boarded Captain Hector’s speedboat he introduced himself as “un poco loco” and my limited Spanish knew this meant he was “a bit crazy”.
The next 20 minutes were going to be interesting, For interesting, read: incredible. This was the boat blast of mylife.
If you’re in the Caribbean, you’ll likely want to grab some chilled beach time. What you also want is a thrilling ride to get there. Cue Captain Hector and First Mate Pepe on the 50mph Twister III turbo speedboat from the downtown cruise port of our last stop, Cozumel island, Mexico, to the beach resort at Isla Pasion.
Isla Pasion in Cozumel, Mexico (DAILY MIRROR)A white knuckle ride of high-speed 180-degree turns, sudden deceleration and wild weaving through waves made us manically-laughing passengers feel like we’d been in a washing machine on repeated rinse and spin cycles.
You get three hours at Isla Pasion – a little scruffy in parts – to eat some tacos, guacamole and nachos for lunch, washed down by ice-cold cervezas. Then relax on the beach and laze on hammocks in the deliciously-warm sea before another hectic Hector blast back to the ship, where we happily dripped our way to the gangway.
Sea you again
Another sea day, further faffing, a Sanctuary repeat followed, sadly, by packing. Time to go home.
But not before…
Canalside mansions in Fort Lauderdale, Florida (DAILY MIRROR)…a post-cruise Fort Lauderdale land and water tour that took in the beach area, upscale Las Olas Boulevard by bus and an excellent 90-minute boat ride on the paddle wheeler style Carrie B. This toured the mooredsuperyachts, cruise port, party-central river sand bar and the mind-blowing canalside homes of the rich and famous.
Food and drink
Love heart dessert on Caribbean Princess (DAILY MIRROR)Dining on board is good in the included Palm, Island and Coral restaurants, decent in the World Fresh Marketplace buffet and superb at extra-charge Italian Sabatini’s and Crown Grill. With Princess reinventing itself as The Love Boat line, do not miss the signature Princess love heart dessert. A quid says you do not have just one* of these during your week on board.
That’s entertainment
I headed to the main theatre to take in Los Angeles comedy duo Alfred and Seymour, who were very lively even if some of the US-themed jokes passed me by. Also, a witty comedy-impressionist show and the spectacular voyage finale from the theatre cast with emoji tunes, rising stages and drones dancing round singers.
There’s loads going on all over the ship all week, you’ll not get bored.
It’s the Fort that counts
The Sanctuary on Caribbean Princess cruise ship (DAILY MIRROR)You’ll need a pre-cruise hotel, and the Element in Fort Lauderdale is a great choice.
It’s in the same building as the Dalmar hotel and they share facilities such as the 6th floor outdoor pool, the upscale Terrace bar-restaurant on the ground floor and the trendy Sparrow bar-restaurant on the 25th floor. The latter is independently managed and a popular spot with locals for alfresco or indoor drinks and bites (crispy miso Brussels sprouts, who knew?) with a good-value happy hour and great views. Once you’re settled in, it’s a hard place to leave.
Element rooms have all you need and the cruise port is a 10-15 minute cab ride. Rates from £143 a night. marriott.com
*Two. Owe myself a quid.
Book the holiday
- Virgin Atlantic flies from Heathrow to Miami from €547 return. virginatlantic.com
- Princess Cruises offers a seven night Western Caribbean and Mexico round trip on Sky Princess, departing from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on December 9 and calling at Cozumel, Mexico; Roatan, Honduras; Belize City, Belize; and Costa Maya (Mahahual), Mexico. From €585pp. princess.com
- More info at visitflorida.com visitmexico.com honduras.travel travelbelize.org
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