'My friends excluded me because I lost my baby - I'm heartbroken'
A woman has been left devastated after finding out she was left out of a hen do after experiencing a miscarriage. Posting online, the anonymous woman said she's still in shock and wants advice as to how to best handle it. She explained: "We have a large social circle of couples. All the 'boys' including my husband are away this coming weekend on a stag do and I thought it was strange all the girls were not getting together for something.
"Turns out they are. All of them. The bride has decided they will all exclude me because she's pregnant and I recently lost a baby that was due at the same time as hers (five days apart). I have had a great relationship with her before and we've had no falling out." In the Mumsnet post, the woman went on to say that she's been to other social gatherings since the loss and has been "light-hearted company".
She said that she'd never talk about her loss in front of the bride-to-be, however, it seems her friend has decided that her presence makes her feel awkward and anxious. The poster found out when one of the women in the group couldn't stand the guilt and ended up telling her about the hen party. She continued: "The pregnant bride has made six other friends complicit in the successful attempt to exclude and ostracize me in the darkest chapter of my life. I'm really in shock. This also leaves me completely alone whilst all the males and females are together for the weekend.
"I am at a complete loss for how to handle this. My initial gut reaction is that I want everyone to know that I know what's going on and how they've made me feel but I don't want to start acting like a crazy jilted grieving madwoman because that's playing into their logic for alienating me in the first place."
She went on to explain that the stag was booked many months ago and her husband had to buy plane tickets for it because it's in Dublin. She thinks this is one of the reasons she wasn't uninvited, as well as the fact that she considers the groom to be "pretty chill" and the bride "neurotic". The heartbroken woman said that because confrontation isn't her style, she was questioning whether she should just see this as a sign that she's no longer welcome to be part of the group and simply walk away.
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Mumsnet users were quick to show their support and express how awful they thought the situation was - and they didn't hold back. "What an absolute bunch of a***holes! I'm so sorry OP [original poster]," one person wrote. "It is dreadful they did this, these people are not friends except possibly the one who told you," said another.
Some people gave their thoughts on what they think she should do. One person said: "Walk away. I had a stillbirth and I had a 'friend' who sent me photos of her baby 'to give me hope'. Nah f*** off." Another suggested: "TBH I would want to tell the lot of them to F off and never see them again. It depends how much you like them all as friends though but no way would I go to the wedding." A third added: "Call them out on it. Send a group WhatsApp message saying 'pretty hurt I wasn't invited this weekend' and see who messages you and apologises or explains. People's responses will show you who your true friends are."
Others said they would expect their husband to bail on the stag do in an act of support and solidarity. While the woman didn't detail how she was going to handle the situation, she thanked everyone for their support.
If you or someone you know was affected by this story, The Miscarriage Association offers support and information to anyone affected by the loss of a baby during pregnancy. You can contact them on 01924 200799 or [email protected].
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