'I hate my boyfriend's marriage proposals - he's asked twice and it's so lazy'
How you decide to propose to your partner largely depends on what you like, and what you think your partner will like. Some people go all out with a public proposal in front of a crowd, while others keep things small and do something romantic and sentimental at home. Neither plan is wrong, but you need to know what your partner wants, and most importantly, it still needs to be romantic even if you propose in private.
But one woman was left in tears when her boyfriend decided to propose to her while she was trying to take care of her children after a long day of work, and seemingly didn't understand that phrasing "will you marry me?" as a normal question you'd ask anybody wasn't the romantic gesture she wanted.
In a post on Reddit, she said: "The first time he proposed I was pregnant and well aware he was planning it. He even told me that he had finally gotten the ring sized. I came home with my other two kids and in the middle of me talking to them he asked 'Will you marry me?'. We said this from time to time just being sweet so I laughed and said of course while continuing to handle my children who were being difficult. He then pulled out the ring. I was instantly upset but tried to act happy. There was just no thought into it whatsoever. No dinner, no cute event, not even maybe my kids holding up a cute sign. I just wanted SOMETHING. Just in the middle of me parenting my children after a long day of work. It hurt.
"He eventually realised I was upset because being pregnant I really couldn't hold back the disappointment. He said he would make it up to me and that he didn't realise it was important. I expressed how we wouldn't be able to afford a nice wedding and we were already doing everything backwards so I just wanted a sweet proposal. I never planned to be married twice and I wanted a good memory."
Thankfully, the woman's partner listened and decided to propose again - but he still didn't bother to put any effort in and instead asked her just after having sex. And the woman said the two half-hearted proposals have just made her feel "unimportant" to her boyfriend.
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She added: "Fast forward about a year later. The baby was napping and my other two kids were with their biological father. My boyfriend and I had sex and right after he just said again, 'Will you marry me?'. I said of course again and he pulled out the ring. He later said he couldn't think of anything.
"I just said it was fine and I was happy but honestly, I'm not. Literally no effort again. He knows I will say yes, we have a kid together, we live together, and it's what I want but I still wanted romance. He could have had a onesie for the baby made that said 'Will you marry me?', maybe a nice speech, breakfast in bed ... anything.
"I'm struggling with PPD [postpartum depression], my body is wrecked, I'm sleep deprived, and have already been feeling worthless. This just solidifies how unimportant I really am. I don't know how to shake this and I honestly don't even want to announce it. I just feel like going to the courthouse and getting it over with because at this point it just feels like an obligation rather than what two people do when they are in love and want to be together forever."
Commenters on the post told the woman to look at the rest of his behaviour, as the lack of effort in his proposals could be an indication of how he acts in other areas of their relationship. One person said: "I feel as if this is not just about his proposal. Your feelings of wanting a romantic proposal are valid and yes he definitely could be better. But it seems like this proposal is the icing on the cake of the things you're already dealing with."
While another added: "I think you deserve a quiet moment that's a moment by itself, not tacked on to some other thing when he randomly thinks of it," and a third wrote: "I don't think you're being ungrateful. This is someone asking you to spend the rest of your life with them, commit to them, and the least they can do is put in an effort to the proposal."
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