Rebecca Adlington heartbreakingly says she 'feels responsible' for miscarriage
A year on from suffering the agonising loss of what would have been her third child, Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington admits that the immeasurable heartbreak has made her reluctant to try for another baby.
The much-loved athlete, 34, shared the devastating news last August that she and husband Andy Parsons – with whom she has two-year-old son Albie – had suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks, with Rebecca later being kept in hospital to battle sepsis, a kidney infection and a high fever.
After what has been one of the most challenging years of her life, the mum-of-two, who also shares eight-year-old daughter Summer with ex-husband Harry Needs, believes that the odds of conceiving again are against her, following an ongoing struggle with polycystic ovary syndrome.
“It’s not easy to get pregnant,” says Rebecca. “I just don’t want to put loads of pressure on it or have any expectations. Especially when people start asking every single month, ‘Are you pregnant?’ I don’t want to deal with that while working full-time and having two kids. If it happens, it happens. If not, it’s not meant to be.”
Rebecca shared the news of her miscarriage with her followers on Instagram at the time, describing their loss as a “devastating time” for her family, which understandably, they found difficult to process. “Because I’d had two children without any problems, a miscarriage never crossed my mind,” she says. “I realise this might sound naïve, but I expected some signs. However, it was only once we had the 12-week scan that the poor lady had to say, ‘There isn’t a heartbeat.’ It was just sheer emotion from that point onwards.”
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Rebecca Adlington suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage last yearThe British champion recalls being taken into emergency surgery the following day, during which she lost two litres of blood – there are only around five litres in an adult body. But it was after she left the medical facility that Rebecca’s own health took a turn for the worse. Doctors later told her she’d contracted sepsis. “It was really scary because I felt so ill,” Rebecca explains. “Andy was an angel and did absolutely everything. My parents looked after the kids and they all rallied around, but it took some time to come to terms with everything.”
On the more difficult days, where she finds herself reflecting over the events of the past 12 months, the world-record breaking swimmer confesses she finds it difficult not to blame herself. “I keep thinking about the pressure my body has been under to keep this little one, safe and sound and alive,” she explains. “I felt really responsible for the miscarriage, even though it wasn’t my fault. I remember speaking to the doctors and they said there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened.
“But you’ve got all this pressure to protect something – this delicate being, this precious, special, incredible baby – for nine months, and it just seemed crazy because I’ve done it twice before and been absolutely fine.”
Though she slowly recovered from the life-threatening illness and is feeling healthier day by day, Rebecca says the painful aftermath of her miscarriage is something Andy – who she married at Cheshire’s Scarlet Hall six months after their son Albie was born – still battles on a daily basis. “Even back in March, he was like, ‘We would be having a baby right now,’” she tells us. “But I don’t look back. I don’t like being one of those ‘what if’ people, as it clearly wasn’t meant to be. But Andy deals with things differently.
“It’s about sharing that emotion with him and making sure we’re all OK. People only asked if I was OK, not Andy, so I think it’s really critical to acknowledge each other. It definitely helped bring us closer because he was emotionally devastated by it too. Not just me.”
The former I’m A Celebrity star worries about how the impact of dealing with grief will have their children, but says she and Andy have become accustomed to putting on a brave face. “Summer saw me cry quite a bit and asked why I was upset, but I didn’t divulge too much,” she says. “I just said, ‘Mummy has been ill and we’re trying to process everything’. I’ll explain to her when she gets older.”
Rebecca has thrown herself into a normal family routine to help keep her busy. “We often go out on bike rides and walks at the weekend and we try to be as active as possible as a family.” Rebecca admits that she’s a protective mum, and now more than ever, wants to “wrap them up in cotton wool”.
Mum-of-two Rebecca says she is a 'protective' parent (Instagram / @beckadlington)“That’s more a reflection of me as a parent, making sure I am doing everything I can for my kids,” she adds. “I take their health and nutrition really seriously. I’m making sure I’m doing the right thing for them every day.” Rebecca’s partnership with SMA Nutrition – whose recent “Baby TRYathlon” showed off the importance of vitamin D and iron for toddlers – has been a passion project.
Days after she and Albie spearheaded the sports competition, Rebecca said she was “completely shocked” by research showing 47% of preschool-age children worldwide are deficient in iron. She’s urging parents to explore ways of incorporating vital nutrients into their kids’ diet. “Vitamins help their sleep cycle,” she says, “and if Albie doesn’t have a good sleep he just isn’t fun to be around!”
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at the Miscarriage Association. You can call them on 01924 200799 or email [email protected]
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For more on the SMA® PRO Follow-on Milk and Growing-up Milk Baby TRYathlon campaign and the importance of vitamin D and iron for toddlers, head to smababy.co.uk and @smanutritionuki
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