'I trekked the Malaysian jungle - and ended up having a pint in its local pub'
As I hacked my way deeper into the bowels of the jungle like a pound shop Harrison Ford it was time to front-up my guide, Madi, with a killer question. “Exactly what creatures are likely to leap out and give me a heart attack or feast on my warm corpse if I slip and fall into a ravine?”
“Well there’s tigers, giant tortoises, bats and pangolins but the most dangerous animal to humans are the big, wild goats because they have no fear,” was the nonchalant reply which I struggled to decipher amid the deafening hiss of the locust-like cicadas echoing off the rainforest canopy.
“What about the parasites?” I yelled back, panting for breath. “There are lots of leeches, spiders as big as your feet, ants with killer bites and many centipedes,” Madi replied.
“Ah, that’s OK then,” I said, ironically, slipping off another wet fig tree root, losing my grip of the liana vine (the type of vine that Tarzan used to swing from) and almost tumbling into the dense undergrowth. “Oh, I forgot. There’s the odd black panther,” said Madi casually, as he picked a ginger plant and handed it to me to smell. “But relax. They come here to eat the pheasants. They’re tastier than humans.”
Relaxed, I wasn’t. But transfixed by nature’s splendour as I trekked through the ancient rainforest in Malaysia’s Cameron Highlands, I undoubtedly was.
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Jungle guide Madi
Brian enjoys a pint in the SmokehouseThe Cameron Highlands is a plateau 5,000ft above sea level in the mountainous spine of the Malay peninsula, four hours of mainly hairpin-bend driving from the capital Kuala Lumpur. It is named after a Scottish surveyor who was smitten by its Edenesque beauty in 1885 and quickly developed into a retreat for homesick Brits who ruled Malaysia as a colony until 1957.
Today the evidence of British rule is all around, with imported Scottish pine trees and mock-Tudor cottages and their manicured gardens overlooking a splendidly green 18-hole golf course.
I took afternoon tea (made with leaves from a nearby plantation), scones, strawberry jam and trimmed salmon sandwiches at the five-star Cameron Highlands Resort hotel before nodding off next to the billiards table. Afterwards I ambled down to Ye Olde Smokehouse, a one-time watering hole for gin-supping expats, which, with its horse brasses, leather sofas, red outdoor telephone box and mock beer pumps was doing its best to replicate a stereotypical British pub.
A restaurant in Jalan Alor, Kuala Lumpur's famous food street (Shutterstock / Bisual Photo)They even piped Scottish ballads into the lounge, which seemed strangely quaint sitting 6,500 miles from John o’Groats. Although a memo to the owners: hearing Auld Lang Syne in the middle of a sultry summer day isn’t a good vibe.
The mid-20s temperatures and an occasional pine-scented breeze were a welcome relief from the sauna of Kuala Lumpur. I’d arrived in the Malaysian capital after 14 hours in the air, and three in transit, with my neck, back and stomach aching to be nurtured.
At the Ritz-Carlton my wishes were granted. First a masseur’s hands expertly punched 10 kinds of knots out of my gnarled torso as my feet and calves were given a good steaming.
Then the chef in the Li Yen restaurant addressed my stomach with the finest Chinese-style fish dishes I’d ever eaten: cod with spicy sauce and squid ink sago, stir fried scallops with sakura shrimp and asparagus, and grouper with red chilli pepper finished off with a mango pudding. My body wanted to hit the sack but my head wanted to hit the town and sample the Kuala Lumpur nightlife.
Street food in Kuala Lumpur (Getty Images/iStockphoto)I was advised to take a lift up to one of the many swanky rooftops where KL’s hip young things sip cocktails and enjoy views of the city. But I wanted to party in the street bars, so took a stroll to Bukit Bintang, a bouncing district teeming with pubs, whisky joints, restaurants and clubs where live acts and DJs pump out every type of music, competing for attention with chirpy food vendors and even chirpier ladies of the night. Prices for drinks were decent for a capital city. In the Pacific Bar a pint of locally made Tiger lager and two margarita cocktails cost £16.
KL is a slick, ultra-modern city full of luxury-brand malls and soaring skyscrapers. Its most famous, the 88-floor Petronas Towers, was the world’s tallest building when it was built in 1998. Now, after being dwarfed by The Exchange 106 skyscraper, it’s not even the tallest building in KL. However, it is still the city’s most iconic sight and tourists queue from 5am to take a lift to the top.
No trip to Kuala Lumpur is complete without taking a short ride out to the spectacular Batu Caves, a huge complex of limestone ghettoes, which is a shrine for Tamil Hindus.
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Steps at the Batu caves in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Batu Steps monkey (DAILY MIRROR)You reach this vast natural cathedral by climbing 272 coloured steps, where a troop of characterful macaque monkeys swing past you, begging for fruit and showing you their crimson bottoms if you can’t oblige.
After bar-hopping in KL and jungle-stomping in the Cameron Highlands, there was only one way to finish off my time in Malaysia: lying on fine, white sand, next to the clear, turquoise sea in the five-star Pangkor Laut Resort.
A short speedboat ride across the Malacca Strait, this exclusive 300-acre island resort which feels like the setting for TV’s The White Lotus (minus the murders) has hosted A-listers such as Pavarotti, Heidi Klum and King Charles. It’s easy to see why.
Only 20% of the island is given over to accommodation and human needs, the rest, mostly rainforest, is left to nature. As you walk the paths towards the restaurants and bars you’ll come across pairs of beautiful hornbills, a tree packed with hanging bats, monitor lizards which are the size of dogs and monkeys eating fallen jackfruit, the leftovers of which will attract wild boars.
The five-star suites are set on stilts in the sea, where small boats fishing for anchovies stalk the horizon. If that view bores you (it won’t) you can jump a free ride to Emerald Bay on the other side of the island, which is picture postcard perfection.
It was there I had my favourite meal of the trip, banana leaf curry, at Chapman’s Bar on the beach. It was made of rice, dal, curried fish, chicken, three vegetable stews, papadums, cucumber and onion salad, plus a selection of spicy pickles served on a 12in base of banana leaves.
Villas at the Pangkor Laut Resort, Malaysia (DAILY MIRROR)I ordered this tasty feast for lunch on the final day, and it pushed the national dish of nasi lemak (rice, peanuts, cucumber, small fish and chilli sauce) into second place in the Malaysian dish league table. I was told if I ate nasi lemak for breakfast I would become an honorary Malay but I stuck to scrambled eggs on toast. So no citizenship for me.
I spent the final evening on a sunset cruise, sipping beer and scoffing prawn canapes, watching the blood orange sun sink on the horizon, setting the sky ablaze. And the sight was as stunning as Malaysia’s incredible natural beauty and the generosity of its people.
Small wonder many an old colonial heart was broken when Britain handed back this special country to its rightful owners.
Book the holiday
- Turkish Airlines flies from Birmingham, Gatwick, Heathrow, and Manchester to Kuala Lumpur via Istanbul from £640 return in November. Stopovers and layover tours in Istanbul also available. turkishairlines.com
- Rooms at the Ritz-Carlton, Kuala Lumpur hotel start at £153 a night B&B. ritzcarlton.com
- Rooms at the Cameron Highlands Resort start at £126 a night B&B. cameronhighlandsresort.com
- Rooms at the Pangkor Laut Resort start at £302 a night B&B. pangkorlautresort.com
- More info at malaysia.travel goturkiye.com
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