'Great British Sewing Bee final lacked vital ingredient to keep viewers hooked'

27 July 2023 , 21:07

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Series winner Asmaa (Image: BBC/Love Productions/James Stack)

Over at the final of The Great British Sewing Bee on Wed­­nes­­day night, judges Esme Young and Patrick Grant decided to get in on the act by treating us to a little embroidery of their own. A little embroidery of the facts, that is. Despite the whole world knowing full well that NHS surgeon Asmaa could’ve accidentally sewn her hands to her butt cheeks in the pattern challenge without it damaging her chances of winning, Esme and Patrick were trying their hardest to convince us it was all up for grabs.

“You just don’t know what’s going to happen,” said Esme, doing her best ‘Amanda Holden attempts to make the BGT Final sound more exciting than it is’ impression. “It’s entirely possible that any of them will win,” replied Patrick, bringing the drama while simultaneously hedging his bets, like Simon Cowell in his prime (circa 2005).

The GBSB finalists (BBC/Love Productions/James Stack)

At one point, they even sucked poor beanie-hatted thimble botherer Tony Fancyshirts into their patchwork of empty ­promises. After he’d somehow grabbed the runner-up spot in the second challenge of the final, Tony headed into judgment day with a chirpy “Tomorrow, it’s all to play for."

Fast-forward a few hours, and fellow finalist Mia was in tears after one half of her two-in-one dress lost a tense battle with the other, and Tony was watching as breathlessly and awestruck as the rest of the country as Asmaa’s model, her old University pal Priti, slinked down the sewing room’s catwalk like Beyonce in slow motion.

Now, I’m no fashion expert but I’d imagine Asmaa’s spiralling then cascading two-in-one blue to green creation would pique the interest of the front row at many a Fashion Week show. I’d also expect her soon to be inundated with begging letters from quick change artists throughout the Got Talent world, pleading with her to make their costumes.

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They’d be out of luck though. As the “Since the Sewing Bee…” bit at the end of the show simply stated: “Asmaa has gone back to saving lives.” And as we all know, those waiting lists won’t be getting much shorter any time soon.

Ian Hyland