Mum marries herself after too many 'crash and burn' relationships put her off
A mother decided to marry herself after a string of “crash and burn” relationships.
Clair Brennan, 42, felt belittled in her previous flings and, after one year single, she came across autogamy, whereby a person can marry themselves, and decided she would rather walk herself down the aisle. It is sometimes referred to as sologamy.
Now Clair, from Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, vows she will only find love again at the "divine time" and vows to take her choice "very seriously".
She bought a white gown and a three-band wedding ring, the latter she says represented "me, myself and I", and made a commitment to herself in a mirror in back garden in July 2017.
Although the marriage is not legally binding, mum-to-three Clair says she will not break the seventh commandment by being "unfaithful".
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The singer-songwriter married herself in her back garden in 2017 (PA Real Life)
Clair bought herself a cotton Maxi summer dress for the occasion (PA Real Life/Jane Palmer)She said today: "I was like, I may as well marry myself then. I have had a really bad history with men and all my long-term relationships have crashed and burned so I was like, ‘OK, I’m going to try and be with me for a little bit’.
"I Googled it (autogamy) and found you can marry trees and all sorts. I just wanted it to be between me and me."
The mum decided to walk down the aisle alone and have the ceremony in her back garden on a warm summer’s day in July 2017.
“There was a big silver mirror hanging on the wall outside,” she continued. “So I put a white cotton maxi summer dress on.
“I bought myself a wedding ring, one of those Russian ones with three bands, for me, myself and I. I thought, ‘It just all makes sense’.”
The mum, of Staffordshire, continues to take her vows very seriously (PA Real Life)Like a traditional wedding, Clair, who had been engaged twice before but never married, wrote her own vows, which she read out loud while looking in the mirror.
“I wrote my own vows to myself about what I would try and overcome to be a better version of myself,” she said. “It was a bit like talking to my future self.”
Clair, a singer-songwriter, also had to play the role of the vicar and ask the crucial question, before answering herself.
“I was looking into the mirror and said, ‘Do you, Clair Louise Brennan, take Clair Louise Brennan to be your lawful wedded wife?’ Then I would look into the mirror and reply to myself and say’ ‘Yes, I do’. Then at the end it’s a joint one: ‘We do’.”
Clair also treated herself to a honeymoon after tying the knot. “I took myself down to Devon for three days,” she said. “I love Devon, especially driving down Station Road to Woolacombe Bay, that’s my favourite.”
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The unconventional union, which was witnessed only by her pet cat Smokey, raises a few eyebrows when people ask whether Clair is married.
“They look at me, roll their eyes and say, ‘Oh, you’re one of them aren’t you,” she said. “But once I start explaining that it’s a legit thing, they are like, ‘Oh OK’. It’s not a legal thing, but if you want to get to know yourself…”
One of the most common questions people ask is whether she has affairs.
“Obviously people ask me how I deal with the celibacy?” said Clair, who has been celibate for nearly a decade. “Extramarital affairs are a big no-no for me. I’m committed to myself.”
Whenever Clair is in the mood, she practises “white tantra”, a combination of meditation and yoga using sexual energy, which aims to create a deeper bond with oneself. Clair said her decision to marry herself was partly driven by her experiences in past relationships.
“I always felt belittled in my past relationships,” she said. “So I thought, I’m going to commit to myself because nobody else ever has. I’m going to walk myself down the aisle, never mind anyone else walking me, because I needed to fall in love with myself.”
A year after tying the knot, Clair decided to move to the countryside so she could focus on her music.
“I’ve always wanted to move to the countryside and grow my own veggies and stuff,” said Clair, who quit her job as a support worker for a private health company. “I’m loving it.”
Being married to herself is not always easy for Clair, who says she has had to “decipher the loneliness”, but she adds that the pros outweigh the cons. “I want to inspire women to do it, just go for it, because it’s liberating,” she said. “Even if there are things I can’t do like manual lifting and things like that, you can always pay for people to come in.”
Having spent the past six years married to herself, Clair is now open to meeting someone, but not until she meets the right person.
“A lot of people have ridiculed me for it,” she said. “Now that I know my own value, I won’t lower my standards again. But I’m not in a rush about it.”
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