Naughty Boy says first years after mum's dementia diagnosis were 'difficult'
Music producer and I’m A Celebrity star Naughty Boy opens up to Lizzie Catt about living with his mother after her vascular dementia diagnosis
He has topped the charts with Beyonce and Emeli Sande, and hung out in the I’m A Celebrity castle. But since moving in with his mum following her dementia diagnosis, producer Naughty Boy, also known as Shahid Khan or Shah, has taken on a very different role: ambassador for Dementia UK.
The 42-year-old put his career on hold when beloved mum Zahida, 68, suffered a stroke after a fall in 2017, which led to vascular dementia.
Despite the progressive nature of the disease, Shah believes the first years were the most difficult.
“All I was doing was Googling,” he explains. “With hindsight, I wouldn’t recommend that. One call to Dementia UK and a chat with one of their Admiral Nurses made me feel like my family weren’t the only ones going through this.
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“The first couple of years and lockdown were the worst, but we persevered and got through. I think that could have broken me but becoming an ambassador for Dementia UK and becoming a voice for a struggle that I had been so private and quiet about empowered me, and I think it empowered Mum as well.
His mother Zahida, 68, suffered a stroke after a fall in 2017 (DAILY MIRROR)
The fall led to vascular dementia (Getty Images for Brit Asia)“When I first spoke about dementia I got an influx of social media messages. Nobody expected Naughty Boy to be living with his mum who has dementia, but why not?”
Shah says life is easier now they’re in a routine and have a live-in carer in place, after going through 13 others. He’s found that staying on top of Zahida’s other health problems improves her symptoms.
After discovering cataracts could be exacerbating the hallucinations she suffers as part of her dementia, Shah came out of the I’m A Celebrity castle in 2021 “with a mission: let’s fix Mum’s eyes. Mum has a heart condition so it’s not as simple for her to be sedated, but we found a surgeon who could do it”.
He adds: “Combined with getting the right hearing aids, it really helped.
“A year after Mum had the stroke I bought my first house in Buckinghamshire. Everything Mum needs is downstairs as she can’t climb the stairs any more. My dad had been caring for her for a year and needed a break.
“My sister handles all the medical appointments, and I live with Mum so she wakes up in the morning, she sees me. When she goes to bed at night, she sees me. I’m so busy but I still want Mum to feel like she’s a priority. I’m so lucky I’m in a position to live with my mum and have a live-in carer and I know not everyone has that option.”
Growing up, Shah says his mum would cook him whatever he fancied.
Shah says life is easier now they’re in a routine and have a live-in carer in place (ITV)“Ask my older brother and sister, they’ll say I’m a little bit spoiled because I’m the youngest… When I first opened my studio in Ealing, Mum was getting food sent over in a taxi – the bill was ridiculous. But she wanted to make sure I ate and I wanted to make sure I had Mum’s food.
“When she stopped cooking and moved in with me, I made sure I learned to cook the food she loves. Food became a love language between us. When I was a kid she’d accommodate everything so I want to accommodate this stage of her life. As children we get so much love from our mothers, I didn’t want to have any regrets.”
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Shah, who started his career with a studio set-up in his parent’s shed in Watford, said making music at home and sharing food together proved “a beautiful full circle”. “Of course, I wish Mum didn’t have dementia, but I have got to know her in a way I never have before. Although it is frustrating and worrying, if you look for the glimmers of light they’ll help you get through.”
The loss of a sense of purpose, he says, has been hard to watch.
“My mum used to be cooking for her family, and cleaning her house. Imagine that gets wiped away, and your sense of purpose is just going from the bedroom to the dining table.”
His mum lives with him in Buckinghamshire (ITV)But Zahida still gets visits from her son’s famous friend and collaborator Emeli Sande and is hoping to head out to a glitzy premiere soon.
“Mum loves Emeli, she comes to the house and will sing her a song.
“Mum’s favourite song of mine is the Beyonce one, Runnin’, she immediately perks up. We’re a Muslim family and she loves prayers recited with a melody, it eases and soothes her. She enjoys the Bollywood music she grew up with, and loves Baharon Phool Barsao, her and Dad’s wedding song.”
Shah will finally release Heartland, the follow-up to his 2013 debut album Hotel Cabana, this year.
“I believe everything happens for a reason. My second album was supposed to come out a year after the Beyonce song, but that’s when Mum had the stroke. It was a little break but I’m not mad at it.
“I put music to the side until I knew Mum was comfortable and safe, and I think I made the best album I could because of this experience.
“My album is dedicated to her. The language is more love-fuelled, it evolved into something more beautiful and timeless.”
*Naughty Boy is supporting Dementia UK’s campaign #ILiveWithDementia. Download the Living with Dementia guide here. For support call the charity’s helpline, 0800 888 6678.
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