'I want us to have sex but she seems anxious'

30 March 2023 , 17:51

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I would love us to have a proper romantic and sexual relationship, but I don’t know how to approach it with her and don’t want to scare her off (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen, I’m a divorced man in my early 50s and I started seeing a woman a few months ago who’s recently turned 60. You’d never believe she was that age – she’s very youthful and fit, with an enthusiasm for life that many younger people don’t have.

She’s also beautiful and I’m very attracted to her. She’s a real catch and I’m definitely punching above my weight!

Like me, she has grown-up kids and is divorced, so we have a lot in common.

We go on dates regularly – to the cinema, for dinner and sometimes we end up back at one of our houses for a nightcap. We’ve kissed and there’s a strong attraction there, but she never seems to want to take things further.

I get the impression she might be self-conscious and worried about her body because she’s made the odd joke about being “past it” which, from where I’m standing, isn’t true at all.

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In that department, I’m the one who should be worried and feel intimidated!

I would love us to have a proper romantic and sexual relationship, but I don’t know how to approach it with her and don’t want to scare her off. Advice would be welcome.

Coleen says

I think for women this is a massive hurdle to overcome, particularly if they have previously been married for a long time.

We all have our hang-ups as we get older because things aren’t where they used to be!

Following my divorce I really missed intimacy, kissing and hugging, but I couldn’t imagine ever being naked in front of anyone. But then I just decided to stop thinking about it (and overthinking it).

I think it depends what your girlfriend is actually looking for from the relationship – is it companionship rather than a physical relationship? So, perhaps that’s the conversation you need to have.

Alternatively, carry on taking it slow, getting to know each other and building her confidence. At the moment it might feel too new.

Don’t put pressure on her, compliment her and make her feel secure and sexy, and there may come a point where it feels natural to her to take that next step.

But, ultimately, if you want a sexual relationship and she doesn’t, then you have to move on because you have to be compatible in all areas.

Coleen Nolan