'I stopped drinking booze on dates and it made life much more exciting'
More and more people are ditching alcohol for good and last month, almost nine million people in the UK said they were to take part in Dry January, according to one survey.
There are loads of reasons why people might want to ditch booze, and in recent times it has been made even easier for the 'sober curious' with a booming market of low and non-alcoholic drinks.
But for those who have chosen to no longer drink, you might have noticed a big difference in your social activities - and particularly with dating. For many, dating and alcohol can go hand in hand - with 'grabbing a drink' after work and calming nerves with 'Dutch courage'.
One woman who chose to switch up her drinking habits last year has explained what she has learnt by ditching the drink on dates - from the choice of the location being a telling sign about her date to establishing a better connection.
Jen now prefers to not drink most of the time, which means she has now been on plenty of alcohol-free dates [stock image] (Getty Images/iStockphoto)Jen Baker, 42, from Norfolk, who wished not to be pictured, decided to cut back her alcohol intake five years ago after realising the positive impact it could have on her life and now labels herself as a 'conscious drinker' - preferring not to drink most of the time.
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She learnt more about the movement and success stories through her work at One Year No Beer - a habit-changing programme to help people go alcohol-free.
"I began by spending large chunks of time alcohol-free, which helped me set goals, create a long-term plan and be more mindful about my drinking habits," she said.
"Today, I choose to practice 'conscious drinking', which is when you plan in advance for specific events or special occasions that you are going to drink alcohol. I don’t feel like I am denying myself of alcohol, but rather choosing to drink when and how I want to.
"With dating sober, I found that you have more meaningful conversations and discover more about the person you're dating when alcohol isn't lowering your inhibitions."
These are the seven key things she learnt about dating without alcohol:
You reveal a lot just by deciding where to meet
"Activities away from alcohol are much more bonding" [stock image] (Getty Images)"We've become almost conditioned to say, 'Let's go for a drink!' as a first date default," Jen says.
"But dating alcohol-free allows you to do something different and maybe more exciting. Activities away from alcohol are much more bonding, and it can immediately put you both on equal footing.
"If your potential date isn't up for alcohol-free activities, remember that a negative reaction is their issue, not yours, and it'll only help you weed out those who aren't a great match. On the other hand, if their response is positive or simply curious, you've got yourself someone you can talk with and relate to."
You make a better connection
"When you invite alcohol along on the date, your tolerance level increases and prevents you from seeing things clearly. And if you don't see a person for who they really are, you're not going to truly connect," Jen argues.
"When I went alcohol-free, I felt that my new-found spare time was precious. I discovered I had previously been guilty of giving more time to someone I had little in common with apart from alcohol, instead of focusing on someone I genuinely liked and could really connect with."
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You save so much money
"If you choose a bar and the date is going well, it's all too easy to get carried away with ordering drinks because you don't want the date to end prematurely," Jen continues.
"The problem is that the more you become intoxicated, you may not even remember the conversations, and you're left with a hefty bill.
"Since I started dating alcohol-free, I've been able to either save money on dates by not having to rely on a drink to keep up my end of the conversation, or to spend extra money on more meaningful adventures.
"When the money goes towards a bucket list adventure, you create a memory with that person which you can treasure - whether the relationship works out or not."
Jen says a booze-free date is a cheaper date [stock image] (Getty Images)Better decision-making
"I found it was vital for me to set some boundaries, first to ensure my old habits didn't start creeping in, and second to be certain I was comfortable with the direction and pace of a date or potential relationship," Jen admits.
"Once alcohol-free, I learned that communication is key. If my date tried to pressurise me to drink or didn't understand why I wanted an alcohol-free lifestyle, I can now confidently decline a second date and I figure they're simply not the one for me.
"Doing this actually gives me the confidence to feel secure enough in my dating needs and wants, which makes me feel more confident all-round. Being a good communicator and asserting your boundaries is essential when dating.
"You have a better chance of building a relationship on strong foundations with someone who will truly respect your decisions and lifestyle choices."
You can experience a sober first kiss
"We all know that alcohol takes away a lot of fear and doubt, but facing that fear and doubt helps you build who you are.
"When I went alcohol-free, it had been a long time since I had a completely sober first kiss with someone. Alcohol had often relieved my nerves, but it also meant I didn't truly remember the kisses I did have.
"A sober kiss is much more special. You just have to just go with it - and above all enjoy it! Don't forget that in all likelihood they're just as nervous, yet the connection you'll be left with is so much better."
Sharing a sober kiss might seem more daunting at first... [stock image] (Getty Images)You don't have to explain yourself
"When I first started dating alcohol-free, I felt as though I had to justify to anyone that asked why I didn't drink alcohol," Jen says.
"I felt trapped, having to answer this very personal question with explanations about my past experiences, blackouts, and the effects alcohol had on my mental and physical health.
"I was giving my date my life story while I didn't know anything personal about them. Over time, I realised that I didn't have to share any of this until I felt comfortable doing so.
"Instead, I equipped myself with a simple one liner - like 'It's more fun!’ or 'It's not for me' - and I left it at that. When you get right down to it, if going on an alcohol-free date makes the other person feel uncomfortable, they're not for you."
It gets easier over time
"The more you do it, the more you realise you can do it," Jen asserts.
"Dating is scary, but you have the power within you to do it alcohol-free. Enjoy falling head-over-heels without falling head over heels. It can help to create a space of support and encouragement too.
"Talking about how your date went with your friends, family or other like-minded alcohol-free people is a great way to share your excitement about alcohol-free dating. It reminds you that you're not missing out on dating by not drinking and are still able to have a great time – maybe even a better time."
Do you have a dating story? Please get in touch at [email protected]
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