'How can I drop my old friend who's turned into a boastful snob?'

25 January 2023 , 17:33

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"I feel guilty about cutting her off, as we’ve known each other for so many years" (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

I’m feeling really irritated by a friend I grew up with and I don’t know what to do about the ­situation. We’re in our 40s now and both married with kids.

We come from very normal families and lived next door to each other on an estate, went to the same school and kept in touch over the years when I went off to university and she went travelling and got married.

She’s been back living in the area for about a year now and back in my life in quite a big way. However, she’s really changed and is very snobbish.

She lives in a fancy house in an area that we always dreamed of living in when we were younger and her children go to private schools.

That would all be totally fine if she didn’t constantly look down her nose at other people and brag about her life.

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She married a successful ­businessman, who’s a bit older, and hasn’t worked for a long time. I feel she’s out of touch.

I’ve done pretty well myself and I’ve got a career I enjoy, but I don’t go around boasting about it. In fact, whenever I see her, I don’t get much chance to talk at all.

It’s dragging me down and I don’t really want her in my life – not while she’s like this – but I also feel a bit guilty about cutting her off, as we’ve known each other for so many years.

What would you do?

Coleen says

Sometimes friendships just reach a natural sell-by date because your lives take different paths and your attitudes and opinions don’t match any more.

If you’re keen to avoid a confrontation, then you could just back away and not be available.

However, what I’d add is that people who brag about how great their life is are usually covering up unhappiness. People who are truly content don’t feel the need to tell everyone about it.

So you could try to dig a little deeper if you want to keep investing in the friendship.

Also, be honest with ­yourself– could there be even a tiny bit of jealousy because you’re working hard, while she seems to have been given ­everything on a plate?

If you do decide to back off and she asks you why, be honest that you don’t like her putting people down and feel she should focus on being grateful for what she has.

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A good friendship should be able to handle some constructive criticism. And maybe if you talk frankly, she’ll think about what you’ve said and do something about it.

But the bottom line is, if a friendship is toxic and dragging you down, you owe it to ­yourself to move away from it.

Coleen Nolan