Man gives wife ultimatum because he doesn't want to come home to a messy house

03 March 2024 , 10:16

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Man gives wife ultimatum because he doesn't want to come home to a messy house (stock image) (Image: Getty Images)

It's a tale as old as time, the man works a 9-5 desk job and it doesn't matter what the woman does, she still needs to take on the mental load, the childcare and the cleaning.

Now one mum, who's found herself in a predicament, has shared how her husband left her feeling stressed and conflicted after he told her she needed to "fix up and clean the house before he gets home" from work.

She shared how she already balances studying full-time while having to look after her child with a little help occasionally from some paid-for childcare and detailed that her partner shared his ultimatum with her.

To add to her load, the exhausted mum also revealed that her child doesn't sleep through the night and often wants "boob" so she is usually the one who takes on the night shift - meaning she's already tired by the time her household wakes up. Her partner works from 8-6 but heads to the gym before work and is home by seven in the evening, around forty-five minutes after she is at home.

Posting anonymously on Mumsnet the desperate mum asked for some advice on her ultimatum. She wrote: "My partner, soon to be husband and father of our one-year-old. He said things need to change and he doesn't want to come home to an untidy house each day. I don't disagree with him on that and I would love for things to be tidier too, but I'd like to know how that is even possible."

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"I don't work but am at uni full-time, where I'm meant to spend around 30-40 hours a week studying. Our son is in childcare 3 days a week for 10 hours a day. During these days I attend lectures and seminars, study and work on assignments etc."

She detailed her day-to-day when she is studying and explained that she will pick their son up at six in the evening and will go home and "play, breastfeed and chill" together. She also mentioned her breastfeeding struggle and fractured nighttime sleep and added: "Our son has never slept through the night and he's nearly two. I'm talking waking multiple times every night, so I am exhausted most the time and because he only wants boob and his dads got to get up early, I do all the night settling."

While understanding that her husband wants a clean house and she wants a clean house too, the overstretched mum said: "On weekends my partner does help with the cleaning and tidying. But it's weekdays he has an issue with." I completely get the wanting to come home to a clean and tidy house, I mean, who wouldn't?"

She stated how she will clean and tidy every day so the house isn't "neglected" but she can't comprehend that her husband has the "expectation that I can and should make this happen, whilst also implying I am lazy for not being able to achieve this, which I take issue with."

The mum defines the "mess" that frustrated her husband as "having a couple of glasses in the sink and some crumbs on the kitchen counters is messy." Finishing her post on the site the mum writes, "I don't know how much more I can do without sacrificing my uni work or time with my son."

Other mums flocked to the comments to come to the mum's defence and questioned her partner's intentions and whether she should be marrying him. One person replied, "You know you're not being unreasonable. A couple of glasses isn't messy. What's his problem with this?"

Another person added, "Sounds like you need to go away for a couple of days and leave the baby with him to sort out and tell him you expect the house tidy when you arrive back," while a third penned: "In general, men who speak like this still think the home is the woman's responsibility and that childcare isn't real work."

The less-than-pleased comments continued with another person writing, "Ok if he was helping out more and the house was a pigsty then maybe I'd be inclined to say set 30 min aside each day. But he's buggered off all day, made time for HIS needs I.e. gym, leaves the night care to you and is being an absolute idiot for saying this to you."

However, some commenters said that they needed to hear the other side of the story before they could give their opinions, with one person adding, "This is a post where I'd love to read his side and the truth will be somewhere in between!"

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