'I encouraged my son's girlfriend to dump him - she can do so much better'
A concerned mum has shared how she encouraged her son's girlfriend to break up with him because she can do better. The 41-year-old said that the boy's 20-year-old partner Lily is very studious, is into sports and is at college with the hope that she can become a doctor.
But her 20-year-old son, on the other hand, is listless when it comes to getting a job or going to college, has a poor work ethic, and spends his time gaming and partying. She said that the young couple had been together for three years and when they first started dating in high school they seemed to be an excellent match, especially as her son made the effort with his appearance, but that his behaviour had deteriorated rapidly.
The woman asked fellow users of Reddit if she was wrong to advise Lily to consider her position after the girl confided in her that she was upset at her son's lack of drive and ambition. The mum said that she knew her son still loved his girlfriend but that he was not giving the girl the attention she deserved and so told her she didn't see his attitude changing anytime soon and that Lily should consider her own needs.
She said: "When she asked what I would do in her situation, I told her to put herself first and what she wanted. Lily thanked me and said she’d think about things. Well earlier today, my son came downstairs in a rage telling me that Lily had broken up with him via text. I asked him what she said and apparently, the message referred to 'discussions with your mum' that had made her rethink the relationship.
"My son was livid that I’d gotten involved and said I’d overstepped boundaries. I told him that I didn’t advise Lily to leave him, just said she had to make her own choices and decide what was best for her. My son is now not talking to me and my husband is annoyed believing that having no Lily will make my son’s rut last even longer. I also miss having Lily around. So, am I the a*****e?"
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Other posters on the site were behind the mum's stance unanimously, with one saying: "Not the a*****e. You didn't tell her to end the relationship, you told her to consider her needs. Your son certainly wasn't. Tell your husband it isn't up to Lily to get your son out of his rut and maybe he needs to spend more time teaching him how to be a good man and not a mooch. Let your son be angry, he will do one of two things, stay angry or get off his butt and start pulling his own weight. Too many young adults have little to no aspirations and are more concerned living in the moment."
Another said she wasn't in the wrong at all, adding: "You need to tell your son actions have consequences, and his lack of actions are why Lily has finally left him. Ask why someone that has as much going for her as Lily does should be with his lazy unmotivated ass? What has he done to show he is worth her time and effort?"
While a third said she had given good, responsible advice to Lily and that her husband should be taking more of an interest in his son's apparent troubles with motivation. They said: "The fact that putting herself first meant breaking up with your son is his issue for being a waste of space. Your husband can also get in the bin expecting Lily to 'get him out of his rut' – if it's that simple he can get involved and sort it, he's his son. Besides, who knows? Maybe this will be the kick in the a**e he needs to sort himself and win her back (unlikely as this isn't a rom com, but never say never)."
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