'My son will hate me but he's not getting a smartphone until he's at least 16'

06 February 2024 , 18:52

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Polly Hudson says her son won't be allowed a smartphone until he's at least 16 (Image: Getty Images)

My son is going to hate me when he’s older. Many parents joke about this, fear it, worry. I definitely know it for a fact.

I’m resigned to it. He is going to absolutely despise me and accuse me of ruining his life, and slam doors, and beg, and perhaps cry, and still, STILL, I will stick to my unpopular guns, and not give him a smartphone until he’s at least 16. Sorry but definitely not at all sorry. Like vegetables, this is for his own good, and he’ll thank me when he’s older – if he’s speaking to me again by then.

I’ve been concerned about young people and phones for some time, heard horror stories from the playground, but the light Brianna Ghey’s inspirational mum Esther has shone on this issue has sealed the deal. It would be wonderful if she’s successful in her mission to get under 16s blocked from social media, and for there to be stricter regulations overall, but would that be enough?

Even the most careful parent, certain they’re thoroughly ­monitoring their child’s mobile, can be fooled. Kids are far more savvy about all this than us, plus lying, rebelling and pushing boundaries is a rite of passage. Apparently many mums and dads don’t even know the names of the apps their children communicate on, because they delete them every day before they get home from school, and reinstall them the next morning when they leave the house.

Esther Ghey wants a law introduced so under-16s cannot access social media on their phones

More than 50% of children have a mobile by the age of seven, and that rises to 93% when you get to the 12-15 age bracket, Ofcom research shows. Nearly a third of young people will have viewed pornography on their phones by the age of 11, according to a report by the Children’s Commissioner. My boy is nine – the idea of him being exposed to porn within just two years makes me want to move to Mars.

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Bear in mind, this isn’t the kind of material on the top shelf of the newsagents back in the day, which would now be considered tame.

Now “depictions of degradation, sexual coercion, aggression and exploitation are commonplace, and disproportionately targeted against teenage girls”, says the Children’s Commissioner report. Then there’s the bullying of course, which is far from a new ­occurrence at school, but ­pre-phone, at least you were safe when you were at home, rather than basically bringing your bullies back there with you.

If my son is made fun of for not having a mobile, at least he’ll get evenings off. Being given a phone at a younger age made kids more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, feelings of aggression towards others, and the sense that they were detached from reality, a survey of 15 and 16 year olds in 37 different countries showed. Maybe I’ll get these findings tattooed on my forehead, to save time when my boy is arguing about this in the future.

Parents in Irish town ­Greystones united to ban ­smartphones until secondary school, and 45,000 Texans have joined the Wait Until 8th ­movement, which delays ­smartphones until 8th grade (Year9). Presenting a united front like this would obviously be the dream, but if there are any plans for schemes like this in my area, I haven’t heard them.

And so, I presume it’ll be just us implementing this policy. I’m dreading it, but I will die on this hill. My son will be the only one with a phone that’s not smart, because when it comes to this issue – unfortunately but ­ultimately oh-so fortunately for him – I am.

Polly Hudson