'I made huge mistake marrying my wife - but I'll never break up with her'
An author has told how he and his wife transformed their marriage from a constant train wreck into a match made in heaven that produced children and grandchildren. The couple's long and painful journey has now been turned into a book in the hope that their experiences will be able to inspire others to fix their partnerships.
The husband from the United States admitted that in the first 27 years of their marriage, the couple had to overcome many hurdles, including drugs, alcohol, multiple affairs and "many failed self-help opportunities". The book by Tim Bush and his wife Kath is called Sex on the First Date and he told Fox News that: "It’s not the ideal way to start a marriage, but you probably know that. What you may not know is that just because your marriage had a lousy start doesn’t mean it has to have a lousy finish."
Bush, who retired after 35 years in the automobile business and is an entrepreneur in real estate and business development, said that he and his wife came to a point where they knew there were more important things than them in the marriage, including their three children, eight grandchildren and their generational legacy.
He said the pair met in August 1981, and Kath became pregnant with their first child in December of that year. The couple then got married in the following February 1982, but on their wedding night, he said they both knew they had made a mistake. He recounts how the couple came from "completely unrelated backgrounds". He had a broken childhood that made his own survival a priority and that working hard would lead to the success he thought was everything. This attitude, he said, "made me selfish and controlling".
wife Kath, however, had a different upbringing with a solid family life with both parents present and communicating well with each other. He said: "We had little to no communication. I thought that as long as we were having sex, we were good, but Kath’s marriage to a very controlling man – me – left her isolated and without a voice."
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He said he went to marriage counselling about his wife but it was he who needed the counselling. He said he thought he was the one that was "normal" and that he would only change very small things within himself to make his wife feel better. He said that Kath did try to make changes to herself, but problems always persisted.
So, he admits, he looked outside his marriage to find "encouragement". Meanwhile, his wife went back to college and this worried the controlling person in him as she was a three-hour drive from their home. She was gone for eight months, did well and he said this attracted him to this newer version of her.
But she had a few one-night stands under the influence of alcohol, but he forgave her because: "I thought her infidelity was God’s way of getting back at me for doing all the things I had done that she didn’t know about." But a few days after he forgave her he caught her on the phone with a past lover.
Bush almost gave up hope, but Kath arranged further counselling and said she would do whatever it took to get their relationship back on track. She started a business too and Bush's businesses were also doing well. But fate intervened again as in 2008, his younger brother, 43, was diagnosed with stage-four cancer and given just months to live. Then after this horrendous news, their nephew, 22, died.
Bush hit the booze and drugs but he then turned to God, saying: "That year brought me to my knees in prayer, exactly where I needed to be. I turned to God and finally realised that, rather than trying to fix my wife, I needed to take responsibility for myself, for our marriage, and for our family." He said it was only then that the couple were able to fix their marriage and added: "If your marriage is good, then it can be better. If your marriage is lousy, it doesn’t have to stay that way. We’re living proof."
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