'My sister shamed me for not considering her when I proposed to my boyfriend'
When it comes to wedding proposals between a man and woman, the image that traditionally springs to mind is of the male bending down on one knee to pop the question. But one woman who instead decided to do the asking has unwittingly driven a rift between her and her sister.
The 26-year-old explained her situation on Reddit using a temporary account. She wrote at the start of January: "A woman is arguing with her sister over where I (26) am planning to propose to my boyfriend (27). We've been dating for four years now and he's the most important person in my life.
"We've discussed marriage, he was very eager to propose and has been saving money for some time I think. He's an artist and doesn't make quite as much but he's way too proud to let me pitch in. Well around last month, his mum had a surgery."
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The boyfriend ended up paying for his mum's expensive surgery with his savings as she didn't have insurance, which meant he then couldn't afford to propose. She said: "That day I found him crying in our room. He told me all this and kept on apologizing that the money he was saving for the ring had to go into helping his mum and now he can't propose on our anniversary as he was planning to.
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"It was so heartbreaking for me to see him like this. I don't give a damn about that ring?!? Well I've decided to propose on our anniversary. I'm doing it on a beach we used to visit a lot as kids, back in our hometown."
The choice of the proposal, however, did not go down well with her 28-year-old sister, who last September caught her long-term boyfriend cheating with someone else on the same beach. The sister went on: "I wasn't aware of this. She now wants me to cancel this whole thing and do it somewhere else. We all liked him and my sister was convinced he was the one so the breakup was really bad for her.
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"Yes it sucks what happened to her but I don't know why should that affect my plans? Me and my boyfriend visit that place every time we're there and it holds some importance to both of us." The sister is now accusing her of being "selfish" and added that her boyfriend should be "ashamed" of himself because he can't afford to propose.
She went on: "She's now texting me and saying me getting engaged isn't important enough and I need to change the destination. I need advice on how to deal with her? Should I comfort her or something or is she being unreasonable? Also she lives with our parents and we're close too so cutting her off isn't an option."
Hundreds of users replied to the post with many criticising the older sister for trying to dictate her sibling's proposal. One wrote: "This is very controlling of her. You're allowed to continue having happy memories at a place you love, even if she had something awful happen to her there. She doesn't have to attend your proposal."
Another noted: "Your proposal and engagement are not about her. Period. It would be best if you can find a way to tell her this assertively yet compassionately." Someone else quipped: "What's next? You can't get a dog because she was once bitten by one?"
While others were more concerned about the boyfriend's potential reaction to the proposal, as one wrote: "It sounds really important to your bf to propose to you. On his terms. I would really have a conversation about how he feels about a non-traditional proposal."
An undated edit at the bottom of the post revealed that the poster was indeed going ahead with the proposal, but left out the question everyone was dying to know - where exactly? She exclaimed: "Y'all, I'm proposing tomorrow!! I did talk to his mum about it just to make sure I'm doing right by proposing and she agrees. Wish me luck!"
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