'Boyfriend says I'm 8 out of 10 but my friend is a solid 9 - I feel second best'
Rating each other's looks in a relationship is a recipe for trouble - and one woman has been left having to ask advice from strangers after her boyfriend rated her lower than one of their friends. The 26-year-old said that the pair were having a "weird conversation" about the way their friends see them and she claimed to him that they were the "most sane" pair amongst the group. She told Redditors that she thought they also looked good together, were balanced and that they had "no real relationship issues".
However, her boyfriend said that he thought they were an 8.5 out of 10, which had her perplexed. She queried that and he clarified the rating he was referring to applied to their looks and therefore he suspected that's the way others saw them too. She then tried to joke about it, and asked who was a 10.
He then said that a 10 would have to be a "perfect" couple – the most good-looking people having the most perfect relationship, citing the 'Brangelina' partnership as an example. She said: "So I teased him a bit more and asked who's a nine and he said 'probably our friends X and Y'. I felt a bit off when he said those names because he has made comments in the past about how the girl in that couple is very pretty, in fact last night he went on and stated that on a purely aesthetic level she is prettier than me."
She said her 29-year-old boyfriend had made her feel betrayed with that comment, while admitting that she has had a problem with body-shaming in the past, is sensitive and can be insecure. She added: "I've always wanted a man that'd be obsessed with me, who felt like he has won the lottery, I know I'm not a 10 in a scale from 0 to Angelina Jolie but I would expect my boyfriend of four years to think I'm at least prettier than my friend who we both know and hang out with. I've gained weight recently, my self-esteem is low and I am not as confident as I used to be."
She also revealed that she had explained her insecurities to her partner and he had always told her that: "I am beautiful... but last night he had to specify that people objectively might not think the same. I don't really know how to act now, he asked if I was mad and I said no because I really am not, this whole voting thing is childish and stupid.
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"I just feel really weirded out by the fact that out of all people he named that girl. Why is he not with her then? Is he with me just because she wasn't available? Because he didn't find anyone better and I just happened to be his least-worst option? Any advice on how to deal with this situation is welcome."
Other users of the site had a lot of sympathy for her plight, with one saying: "He is too stupid/ inexperienced/ immature to realise… yet. This is not the last he heard about this. This will make her feel more insecure – she will obsess over it, become jealous and at the next fight, he will hear about it. Worst-case scenario, she dumps him because she wants a guy who, in her words, is so attracted to her he feels he won the lottery. Which is do-able."
And another said: "Yeah, you are already blaming yourself, which is really sad. Yes, you deserve to be #1 in your life partner's eyes. Healthy relationships go way beyond looks anyway. Yes, the voting thing is childish and stupid. Now you'll be thinking about this constantly," while a third said: "With him saying that kind of insensitive remark and also saying that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were a 10/10 couple is uh...hm. It's super weird to rate a relationship based on the perceived attractiveness of the people involved. It's really callous of him to make that remark about your friend. No thoughts behind those eyes."
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