The Traitors episode 5 review: 'Is this the best terrible person ever to play?'
Remember last night’s cliffhanger that wasn’t a cliffhanger so it was a cliffhanger? The show ended with Ash about to reveal whether she was a Traitor or not, and us viewers knew that she was, so what could the drama possibly be?
Was she going to say “Goodbye COUGHPAUL’SATRAITORCOUGH everyone!” as she walked out? Reveal she was Diane’s secret daughter? Ask Claudia where all her lovely jumpers are from?
Nope. Ooh you sneaky TV show, keeping us on the edges of our seats – where it’s really uncomfortable to sleep - all night for no reason.
After the mass jubilation that they’d finally kicked out a Traitor, Paul had a rare genuine moment of conscience (BORING) which obviously he “re-shaped in a way that would benefit me” (AMAZING).
Harry, Paul and Miles re-branded themselves Traitors 2.0, murdered Meg and went forth, although how any of them can trust each other a quarter of a millimetre now they’ve proved there’s no honour between Traitors this record-breakingly early is anyone’s guess.
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But danger was lurking at breakfast. “If Paul comes through that door, he’s a Traitor,” Zak said, entirely correctly. “When Paul walked in, I thought ‘you’re a Traitor’” Evie said, entirely correctly. “If I get murdered tonight, remember I said this – Paul’s a Traitor,” Jaz said, entirely correctly.
Yikes. Paul is the best terrible person we’ve had playing this game so far, and losing him this soon would be awful. But the odds seemed stacked against him, and whispers around the castle grew throughout the day.
When it came to the Round Table, only Anthony had the balls to “address the elephant in the room” and list the post-Dungeon suspicions of Paul that everyone had been feeling. “I did feel a little bit under pressure,” Paul confessed later. A LITTLE BIT.
He batted it off perfectly, obviously, just enough but not too vigorously, and then sat back and watched Ross lead the charge against Jonny. Jonny’s crime? Being louder and more relaxed when the group were hanging around the gaff chatting and having dinner than in the extremely tense, high pressure situation of the Round Table, where someone is about to be Banished. Go figure.
When it came to the vote, poor Harry was absolutely devastated to go for fellow Army guy Jonny. He was so convincing, you just felt absolutely terrible for him, briefly forgetting that he knew Jonny was innocent because HE IS A TRAITOR. The others all piled on like sheep – not one single vote for Paul, mwah ha ha – and Jonny left by a landslide.
When he revealed/reminded the group that he was – as he’s insisted – 100% Faithful, Harry burst into guilty tears, eventually so overcome he left to cry outside. Was it a coincidence that this existential crisis because he’d betrayed a Military “brother” made him look about as Faithful as it’s possible to be? It was hard to tell.
For about five minutes. The last shot of the show was Harry – just after The Traitors had decided to murder either Diane (no!), Tracy or Charlotte – proclaiming ecstatically, “I LOVE THIS GAME!” Us too, Harry. Us too.
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