'I refuse to spend New Year's Eve with husband's kids, they ruined my Christmas'

31 December 2023 , 07:00

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He sparked a debate online (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

The holiday season brings families together, although it may also be stressful if there are disagreements about child care, especially children from previous marriages who have to get used to their parent’s new partner.

A man has taken to social media to ask if he is in the wrong for not wanting to spend New Year’s Eve with his husband’s children, straight after spending a ‘stressful’ Christmas with them. “This year, my husband's ex-wife asked if we could have the kids for Christmas,” he explained.

“We agreed, thinking it would be a nice way to spend the holiday and give the kids a chance to spend time with their dad and for them to warm up to me. I’m a guy and his ex-wife has only recently warmed up to him dating me so this is progress,” he said. The guy described spending his first Christmas with his husband’s kids as ‘a bit of a mixed bag.’

“The kids were grateful and seemed to enjoy spending time with us, but they also fought a lot and made a mess of my office. It was really stressful trying to keep them from arguing and they seemed to be constantly bickering with each other over who got what toy and who is eating what food,” he said.

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His husband’s ex-wife asked them if they wanted to take the kids again for New Year's Eve. He explained that his husband wants to say yes, but he’s ‘really not interested.’ “I feel like we've already put in a lot of effort for Christmas and I don't want to spend another holiday with the kids, especially if it's going to involve a lot of fighting and stress,” he said.

“My husband and I have been together for three years. We both have demanding jobs and are usually pretty busy, so we try to make the most of our time together when we're not working.” He clarified he’d not been involved with the children much until that point, and ‘likely won't ever get too involved’.

He said: “My husband and his ex-wife are adamant that the kids know that they have one mother and one father and they don't want me to have a parental role and for the kids to think they have two dads.” Before Christmas, his husband had another separate home to meet the kids during weekends because he and his ex-wife didn’t want his new husband involved with the kids in the past.

“His ex-wife is homophobic and is still coming to terms with his sexuality," the man explained. Additionally, he revealed his husband still celebrates other major holidays and family events as a 'family' - the husband, ex-wife, and the kids - without the man at their old family home. So he has only just been included in the childcare aspect of his husband’s ex-marriage and doesn’t seem to be taking to it well.

The man said he tried to explain that he wasn’t keen to look after the children on New Year’s Eve, straight after a ‘stressful’ Christmas with them, which caused a big row, “He [my husband] just says that it's not fair to the kids and that we should be more understanding,” he said.

He added that his husband commended his children for being so accepting of their father's new husband, so thinks in turn they should have them over for New Year's Eve to spend even more time with them. “I feel like I'm being selfish, but I also don't want to spend another holiday with the kids if it's going to be as stressful as Christmas was,” he said.

He asked Reddit, “Am I an a** h*** for not wanting to spend New Year's Eve with my husband's kids?” This sparked a huge debate with most saying the man was in the wrong. One said, “You’re the a** h*** - you are dating a father. His kids should always come first. If you can’t handle that don’t date a dad.”

Another agreed, “So I'm going to say you’re the a** h*** here, even though I definitely empathize with wanting to have a quiet holiday with your husband. But honestly--you signed up for this. You are married to a man with three children. You knew that when you started dating. Life doesn't get to be quiet and stress-free.”

Although some did side with the man, “Absolutely not an a** h*** for crying out loud. Both the husband and his ex-wife are the a** h***s in this situation in my opinion. They’ve subjected the man to a horrendous double standard barring him from having any parental role due to the ex-wife’s homophobia yet want him to step it up and take responsibility when it’s convenient. The man is already extremely gracious for allowing the children into his home and is trying to set down healthy boundaries.”

Others agreed the parents were the real a** h***s , “I'd say the homophobic ex-wife and the husband who effectively hides his partner to play 'happy family' with his ex are also wrong. These people are all gonna screw up those kids.”