Psychologist shares tips on how to cope with grief during the festive season
For many, the holiday season can be filled with dread, and never more so than after the death of a loved one. The first festive family time without them can seem insurmountable, as the rituals ingrained in your life since childhood no longer exist, shifting the landscape and igniting painful change.
In the hope of helping others, writer Steven Petrow shared how he plans on getting through this ‘first’ holiday season without his sister Julie, who died in June. Writing for the Washington Post, alongside, Mary-Frances O’Connor, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, and others who have lost loved ones, they have revealed some practical tips on how to navigate the festive season.
While some people believe it's best to hide loss at celebratory times, with relatives preferring to sweep it under the carpet to avoid additional pain, O’Connor says it’s important to remember that each person in a family will grieve differently, and require different things throughout the process. “There are some who still really need to avoid conversations about it and there are others who need to memorialise and express how they’re feeling,” she says.
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Kate Kennedy, an educator, whose parents died in a car crash when she was 27, told Petrow for the research: “I wish I had been allowed to talk about how worried I was that grief would bury me on a holiday. The not being able to say it out loud was hard.” Petrow agrees, saying: “I worry about that, too. If everyone seems happy, will I bring down the room?”
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Citing some sensible tips that he thinks will help during the holidays, one of the most important measures recommended to him is to be vocal and tell people if you're struggling and need a break, a hug, or a good cry - after all, no one is a mind reader.
Another suggestion is to do something in memory of your loved one, perhaps something you did together when they were alive. Or perhaps play a game that they loved. If it's through gifts that will help you feel connected to them, the option is there to donate to a hospital or a favourite charity.
Finally, Petrow says he will be finding joy in the holidays, as even when grieving, there’s happiness to be had in the food, hugs, and memories. Talk about them. Share a story. Soon you’ll be laughing about a wonderful memory and quite literally bringing them back into the room.
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