'My mother-in-law keeps judging my parenting - she's furious I hired a nanny'
Parents all have different styles when it comes to raising their children, and while some are happy to go it alone, others would like a helping hand from a grandparent or a nanny.
And while neither approach to parenting is wrong, one mum-to-be has been left feeling exhausted after her mother-in-law told her it was ridiculous of her to hire a live-in nanny for the first two months of her child's life - because if she raised two kids by herself, then her daughter-in-law should be able to as well.
The woman explained she and her husband have both decided to hire a nanny for when their baby is born in a few months' time, as they can afford to do so and feel it would help ease the pressure on the new mum.
The couple both stick by their decision to hire a nanny (stock photo) (Getty Images/iStockphoto)But when her husband told his mum about their plans, she "immediately started screaming" her disapproval, and later told her son they should have discussed it with her beforehand.
In a post on Reddit, the woman wrote: "I'm currently 7 months pregnant. My MIL [mother-in-law] is extremely overbearing and controlling. We purposefully hid the pregnancy from her until 5 months when I couldn't hide my belly anymore because I knew she'd just cause me undue stress.
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"At the beginning of my pregnancy, my husband's aunt (MIL's older sister), helped us find a confinement nanny to live with us for 2 months after the baby is born. MIL only lives an hour away, so having a nanny lined up was one of my first priorities, to ensure there was no chance she'd be our help.
"Today, my husband mentioned that we had already booked a nanny to stay with us for two months. When she heard this, she immediately started screaming at him, asking why we need a nanny. Since 'she was able to raise 2 kids without help, I should be able to as well.'
"Then [she] went on about how if we need help, MY parents are supposed to move in and help with the baby because that's what all her friends did for their grandkids. My parents live in a different state, and even though they offered, we decided we wanted to hire someone for the first 2 months. Then [she started] asking why we hired a live-in nanny instead of part-time only. Later on, she texted my husband asking why he didn't discuss this with her first?!
"I'm flabbergasted at why she cares so much when it's not her business and she's not the one paying. My husband says it's because she doesn't want us spending money on things SHE thinks are unnecessary (we both work full-time and can afford help). However, I feel like she's judging me and my parents as inadequate since I'm not doing 100% of the caretaking."
Commenters on the post were firmly on the woman's side, with many saying she should stop giving her mother-in-law information about her pregnancy.
One person said: "I would stop telling her anything. You don't have to. She doesn't need all these details."
As another added: "I'd just stop telling her anything and be sure to let the aunt know that as well. If she point-blank asks, ask her if she wants the truth and if so, it's not up for discussion."
And a third wrote: "I'm sorry. She sounds awful. The best way to deal with a controlling person is to put them on an information diet. You did it with your pregnancy. Now do it with everything else. In this case, the nanny wasn't something she needed to know, so there was no benefit to telling her."
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