'Husband of 7 years left me when I fell pregnant - he says I'm babytrapping him'
An enraged mother-to-be is seeking advice after her husband abandoned her while four months pregnant. He fled after wildly accusing her of ‘baby-trapping’ him. They had been married for seven years and had a difficult conception. Both partners actively and consentingly tried for their baby for months.
Taking to Reddit, she said: “One thing I have always thought made our marriage so strong was our friendship with each other and our trust in one another, although now my husband seems to think otherwise.” The problem arose when the man heard that his friend Geoff, 34, had been 'baby-trapped'.
“Geoff's wife stopped taking the pill and fell pregnant a few months into their relationship, and only came clean after the wedding,” explained the woman. “Geoff came from a very conservative family, which his wife knew, and so he felt obligated to marry her after the pregnancy. Unfortunately, he also now feels obligated to stay regardless of the clearly messed up dynamic because he feels that he has made a vow and will stick by his wife and child.”
The 32-year-old said her husband, 35, seemed ‘rattled’ by his friend Geoff’s situation. “I am currently four months pregnant with our first, and my husband asked me yesterday if I was trying to baby-trap him. I first laughed because I honestly thought it was a joke. He was dead serious and doubled down, so I told him that we had already been married for seven years and a baby was not going to 'trap him' any more than he already is,” she said.
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She described how the seemingly run-of-mill conversation turned deadly serious, “My husband did not like that answer and said that there was no time limit on baby trapping and that my intentions were clearly not pure given how I was acting as if his concerns were a joke. He said he had trusted me in the past, but me laughing in his face gave him no reason to trust me now.”
Utterly confused, she said how she didn’t know what he wanted or how she was to respond, but it was late in the evening so she asked if they could talk it through in the morning. The next day she woke up and her husband had abandoned her without a word. “I did have a nasty text from his brother saying that I had forced my husband into this pregnancy - despite it having been a joint decision! My husband was MIA and not responding to calls or texts.”
She said: “My husband had insulted me and our marriage in a very hurtful way.” The only thing the distraught mother-to-be could do was phone her closest friend, who arrived with chocolates and was enraged when she learned what happened. Her best friend called her husband, a family lawyer. He also came over and offered to represent her if she wanted a divorce. ”This man is a saint, and will draw up divorce papers on Monday.” She said.
This discussion was stopped by the arrival of her mother-in-law and her husband. Her mother-in-law almost had to drag him from the car to their front door and explained that he’d shown up late last night ranting about how he was, ‘certain that I was using the baby to trap him,’ she said. “Fortunately, my mother-in-law is a smart woman and absolutely tore him a new one before dragging him to the house today to apologise.”
“My worm of a husband did not look me in the eye the entire time but said that he was scared about becoming a dad and projected his fears onto me. He said he wasn't sure if he was ready for that kind of commitment, but he will step up (as if he is some kind of hero - eye roll).”
Annoyed, she called him a coward and told him to stay with his parents until she was ready to talk. “I didn't want to say anything about the divorce papers because I didn't know what his reaction would be, but he will find out soon enough,” she said.
“I also showed my mother-in-law the text from my brother-in-law, and her face was like a storm cloud. I don't know what will happen there, but I am sure it will be bad. I am exhausted and just want to curl up and cry. My best friend has said she'll spend the night with me and we can watch silly movies. I have also made an appointment with a therapist for next week, but for now, I just need to rest. I am exhausted and devastated that my marriage has come crumbling down.” She explained.
A few days later, she pushed the drama aside to go for a pregnancy scan and found out she was having a healthy baby girl. “My mother-in-law attended with me. I am over the moon. My mother-in-law was a gem, and was so touched that I had included her in the scan. She is very excited to be a granny,” she said.
A couple of days after the scan the mother-in-law tried to bring everyone together to make peace and resolve the bad situation by organising a family lunch. “I was a little reluctant, but I knew that she had good intentions and wouldn't do anything to make matters worse.”
She arrived to find the whole family there, mother and father-in law, her husband and even his brother who had sent her the nasty text. “It was quite awkward until my mother-in-law asked if anyone had anything to say. My brother-in-law spoke first and apologised for his awful text, saying that he was swept up in the moment and wanted to support his brother.
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“I explained how hurtful it had been to receive such a nasty and vindictive message, and that he knew as well as anyone that my husband and I had been trying for almost a year. He hung his head and mumbled something. That was pretty much the last I heard out of him for the afternoon,” she said.
“Next, my mother-in-law looked quite pointedly at my husband but he actively avoided anyone's eyes,” she said. After a long awkward silence, her mother-in-law, obviously frustrated with her son’s inability to apologise told him that he was no longer welcome to stay at their house. “She said that she was ashamed to have her son behave the way that he has, and that she would prefer to make space for her granddaughter rather than have "some lowlife hanging around."”
She described her husband’s reaction to hearing the gender of the baby, the same child he’d felt pressured enough to abandon before. “His eyes lit up when she said, granddaughter. My husband had always wanted a girl and he was suddenly in tears saying that he was so pleased to hear the gender.”
“My husband was suddenly wanting to touch my belly and asked if he could come home and paint the nursery.” She said, shocked he thought he was welcome to without apologising. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome and that he had destroyed any trust I had in him. I told him that if I took him back, I would be worried that he would disappear at any kind of big news and that I couldn't have someone at my side who balked at the first chance.”
“He asked me if I was telling him it was over, and I point blank told him that I had engaged a lawyer. My husband was kind of frantic but I felt so calm, like someone had put a blanket over me in the situation. Normally I am a big crier, but I felt so removed from everything," she explained.
You may have expected him to react to the baby's gender revelation and the fact that he was on the verge of divorce by profusely apologizing and promising to work hard to regain his pregnant wife's trust, but instead, he became angry at her and started accusing her of wrongdoing. “My husband said that this was not fair…I am throwing away our life and denying him his daughter,” she said.
“My father-in-law reminded him that this is the same baby he felt trapped by no more than two weeks ago. My husband said it was a mistake and he was stressed. “My mother-in-law asked him how he thought I felt. She asked him to imagine being so vulnerable and giving up your body to grow a family, and suddenly the one person you trust is accusing you of terrible things. He said it was a mistake and he projected his fears onto me.” Again she described how her mother-in-law had orchestrated the perfect opportunity for him to apologize, but he still chose not to.
“I told my husband that I felt so broken when he left because I had all these dreams of a beautiful family which came crashing down in an instant. My husband said that he wanted those things with me and he wanted our baby girl, but that he let the panic overwhelm him,” she said.
It was clear he didn't see the gravity of his actions and that he still needed to make it up to his wife. “I told him that wasn't a good enough excuse for what he put me through, and that he certainly didn't seem panicked when his mom had to drag him to my door to apologise. He didn't have much of an answer other than to say that he was ready now and wanted our girl. In all of this, in all the times he told me he wanted me and our baby, he never once apologized properly."
The lunch continued for a while longer, with more dead-end discussions, concluding with the man’s refusal to accept responsibility for his false baby-trap claim and resulting actions leaving his pregnant wife abandoned and distressed. “My mother-in-law stood by what she had said about my husband not being welcome. He asked again if he could come home with me, and I told him that it was my house (I owned the house before we married), and it was going to be a safe space for me - that is to say, he is not welcome. As far as I know, he is staying at some hotel.”
A few days later he was served divorce papers are work. “I received a few missed calls and crying voicemails asking if I was really throwing away our family, but I did not respond. He even took a crying selfie sitting in his car, which my bestie laughed at quite a bit.”
When her mother-in-law heard about the divorce papers, she called the pregnant woman and showed her support. “She told me that I am making the right decision. She said she never wanted my marriage to end this way or for her son to be so callous, but she said she is here for my baby and I, and that we will always be family. She even tried to apologize on my husband's behalf, but I told her that was not necessary. At the end of the day, his actions are his own.” She said
Since that hard decision was made, her best friend stuck around to support her and go baby clothes shopping to bring a little color back into the majorly distressing breakdown of her marriage while pregnant. “I don't know what will happen next, but I feel much calmer and like I am making the right decision.” People on Reddit showed their support and poked fun at the man’s stubborn inability to apologise.
One said: “All he had to do was google what "baby trapping" actually is. What it ain't is a seven-year marriage and tried for pregnancy. Consequences, meet some very stupid actions.” Another joked: “Sending a sobbing car selfie to prove that you're not a manchild strikes me as ill-advised.”
In response to the husband’s crying voicemail reaction when he asks if, ‘She’s really throwing away our family.’ One said, “No, you threw it all away, dumbass. The fact that he refuses to take responsibility for his actions reaffirms that she made the right decision.” And someone added: “I got his mum in the divorce" is such an amazing flex, good for the woman.”
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