'It annoys me that my husband is so tight with money'

27 November 2023 , 17:18

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'My husband's tight and penny pinching' (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for eight years and have a five-year-old daughter. However, the dynamic in my marriage has changed quite a lot since I got together with my husband.

When we first met, I was the chief breadwinner and he wasn’t that serious about work, but I was always happy to bolster our joint earnings and we did a lot of nice things thanks to my salary – good holidays, nice stuff for the house, posh restaurants and so on.

Now, however, things have changed quite a lot. I gave up full-time work after our daughter was born.

I do consultancy jobs now and again, but I’m not earning anything like I was a few years ago. My husband on the other hand has finally got himself a decent job and is doing OK, yet he’s really, really tight and penny pinching, which irritates the life out of me.

I was never like that when I was the one with most of the money. It’s like he interrogates me every time I want to spend money!

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He is not a bad guy at all – quite the opposite – but it’s like he’s afraid to spend anything or thinks I’m going to go on a mad spree and lose all our cash! I find it hard to talk to him about money. Any tips?

Coleen says

I think what’s happening here is that your husband knows the value of money after not having had much for so long and being quite reliant on you.

Also, your circumstances have changed a lot. He knows he can’t rely on you as much for money, and you have a child to consider. It’s up to him now to step up and maybe he’s feeling that responsibility.

I understand that it winds you up because you were very generous and it’s awful talking about money, but you have to or it’ll become a massive issue that’ll end up in an argument.

Tell him he’s making it difficult for you to ask for something and remind him you never made him feel that way when you were in his position.

My ex-hubby and I had quite different attitudes to money. He was always very sensible and good with budgeting, while I was, let’s say, a bit more frivolous.

His question was always: “Do we need it?” But, actually, sometimes I was very grateful that he was so sensible – usually when a big bill came in and we had the money to pay it.

So, have the conversation rather than letting resentment build up and get him to tell you his fears. It’s important to work as a team in all aspects of your relationship and for one of you to keep on top of your finances.

Coleen Nolan