Dad branded 'unfair' for rewarding stepdaughter for bad exam results
A dad has defended giving his two girls the same reward for their exam results - despite one getting much better grades than the other.
His stepdaughter Zoe, 18, and daughter Alexis, 17, are both in year 12 and almost finished with their final exams - but are 'opposites when it comes to school'. "Alexis is like young and dumb me, and chooses to coast on her natural ability", the man said.
"She puts in the minimum yet has amazing grades. Zoe, on the other hand, struggles. She tries extremely hard and is tutored but always struggled to get Cs in more academic subjects. To be clear, I'm not saying this to diminish Alexis, I was exactly the same as her back then and she's gotten amazing results. However, I have literally never seen her study aside from the literal day of an exam.
"I'm proud of her for a lot of things, but her attitude to education just isn't one. Both girls are great even if both have their flaws. So I plan to reward both girls for finishing school and their results/efforts."
Writing on Reddit, the anonymous dad told how Zoe was proud of herself after feeling she did well in an exam - but after he congratulated his stepdaughter on her efforts, Alexis accused him of favouritism. The man wrote: "The issue is yesterday Alexis had her math methods exam and Zoe had her business exam.
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"Alexis refused to give more than one word answers as usual, so I left it at saying I'm proud of her and sure she did great. Zoe on the other hand was happy with how it went, telling me she managed to finish and felt really confident on it. Considering last week she was crying because she couldn't finish English (it's designed so most students don't or barely), it was an achievement. I was really proud of her and let her know, making sure to be supportive.
"However, Alexis later got upset and claimed it's not fair that I 'baby' and favour her. She thinks I'm proud of Zoe despite her being worse, so she must be the favourite - even though I literally told Alexis I was proud of her earlier. I don't agree with her attitude and have tried to motivate her to study, but I'm still proud of the results she's gotten so far. She's valedictorian and I'll eat my hat if she doesn't get into uni. But I'm not going to not be proud of Zoe because she's getting worse results.
"Alexis insists that I should be more proud of her, and that it's unfair for Zoe to get the same reward, but that's nonsense. I tried to explain it to her but she just got increasingly more upset, so I told her we'd talk about it more today and tried to assure her I love her. Unfortunately she decided to go to my ex's instead today so we haven't talked beyond my ex accusing me of being a piece of **** father and saying I need to prioritise my 'actual daughter'."
The dad went on to explain that he didn't think it was unreasonable to reward both girls since 'Alexis has better grades but Zoe put in a lot more effort. "Both will finish high school in the next two weeks and I'd say they're almost guaranteed to achieve their goals", he added. "Both deserve praise and reward. If I had to guess, I think it's just my ex being so results-focused as usual twisting her perspective but it's possible I'm not being as equal as I think. I didn't mean to upset Alexis with this."
Some Reddit users who commented on the dad's post assured he was 'not the a*****e'. "I was that gifted kid that coasted on natural ability" one wrote. "I had siblings and step siblings that struggled. There is going to be a point in her education that she isn’t going to be able to rely on only her natural ability any more and it is going to be a harsh lesson for her.
"When this happens it will hopefully be the point she realises that others have had to do this hard work the rest of the time and she may begin to respect their work ethic more. Honestly, you are treating the girls as fairly as you can and I have a suspicion it is your ex putting it into your daughter's head that she should be treated 'more' than the stepdaughter. Everyone should be treating their children equally whether they are 100 per cent biological, adopted, a step sibling, half sibling, foster sibling etc. Good on you for trying to keep it fair."
But others were critical of his approach, with one saying: "Based on what you said you do seem to favour Zoe based on how you talk about her. You call Alexis lazy and dumb, that's not positive things to say about her. It's like you almost resent her for being naturally gifted. How do you know how much she does study? She may not study as much as your other daughter, but she doesn't need to so she spends less hours doing it.
"I don't know if that makes her lazy. You're not acknowledging her achievements as special even though she is doing really well and you should celebrate that. You can still reward Zoe but maybe reward Alexis a little more. She's valedictorian and has all this extra stuff you're not really giving any attention to. Now she may struggle in uni when she has to really study."
Another added: "I was the kid who did well, and my sister struggled. My mum always praised my sister and boasted about her slightest achievement but did not praise me even when I achieved something important (at least for me). Instead, she acted like it was obvious I would be able to achieve it. In my mum's mind, it's perfectly reasonable that she needed to provide more support to the weaker one (not my words, she told that to me when I asked her once).
"That hurt me as a kid and even now it does. It also damaged my relationship with my mum and sister. Please make sure you are not doing that to Alexis while encouraging Zoe."
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