Woman discovers partner of 10 years is living a double life thanks to one devastating text
A mum-of-three was left distraught after discovering her partner of nearly a decade was leading a secret life.
The woman explained she and her partner, who have been engaged since 2018, have three children aged seven, four and 10 months together. She said they had 'basically grown up together' and called each other 'husband' and 'wife' despite not being legally married.
"I’m not going to romanticize our relationship, because it’s far from perfect", the stay-at-home mum said. "But I always thought we would be the couple to grow old together."
She continued: "We’ve recently been in very rocky waters, as I have a never ending list of expectations and all he has to do is go to work. Because of this we have talked about separating for a few weeks now, but we don’t want to disrupt our kids’ routines."
Matters were made worse when she got a text from her cousin's ex-wife, who showed her screenshots of an online dating account she never knew her partner had. The mum said: "She explained she needed to reach out to me, girl-to-girl, and sent me screenshots of my partner on Tinder.
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"The pictures that he’d used were taken a couple of days before, so I know it wasn’t an old profile. He used a different name (a name that we had agreed on for future baby number four if it was a boy).
"I of course thanked her, but I really didn’t want to believe it. He’s always talked down on cheaters since his dad was a huge womanizer, and it caused a lot of trauma for him and his family."
The anonymous Reddit user then told how she set up a fake Tinder account in an attempt to catch her partner but had no luck before resorting to snooping on his phone while he slept. On his mobile, she found proof that her suspicions were right.
She continued: "We both have each other's passcodes and will use each other's phones often. It’s a line that I’ve always said can’t be uncrossed. I found so much. All in plain sight. Not much was hidden.
"No, Tinder was not on his phone. But he was texting 3 different numbers that were obviously girls from there (they all called him by the fake name). they sent pictures back and forth.
"I found at least four different Snapchat threads that were him emotionally cheating with more girls (calling each other 'babe' and 'hunny bun' which is what he calls me), texts that say he’s a single dad and 'the mom' doesn’t want anything to do with the kids. Explicit pictures sent back and forth. And when I thought that was it, I found the hidden pictures folder.
"Not only does he have all the nudes saved of these women (and mine), he has a video of him receiving mouth kisses on his second head. With a girl who used his real name. I used my phone to take pictures and videos of everything and sent them to my email. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them yet, but I have them.
"Also, I looked back at our text thread on the date that correlates with the video (a month after I gave birth), and saw it was one of the many times he would say he’s going out with the 'boys'. He even texted me that night and told me how much he loved me, and how he was going to take me to breakfast in the morning.
"It’s funny because I would cry to him around that time and ask if he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I would cry and cry, and he would hold me and say that he only loved me, and that he could never hurt me like his dad hurt his mom.
"I haven’t slept. I don’t know him. I’m literally sick to my stomach. I’ve vomited all throughout the night. But when he woke up this morning I pretended like I was too tired to get up with him."
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The woman added that she was worried about the future given that she has no money or family and she shares the ownership of the house with her husband. She said: "He didn’t even have a lot of money, our god credit either.
"But I am completely dependent on him. And I’m not sure how long I can pretend like nothing is wrong. So I turn to you Redditers. Please tell me what to do. Please give me any useful advice."
Other users who commented on the post reassured the woman that help was available. "There are many resources, please reach out to them", one wrote.
"I can even look them up for you if you want to DM me your area. I am a domestic violence counselor. I understand you aren't being abused, but you are stuck in a very bad situation for your own wellbeing.
"If you have the YWCA - they have great programs for single moms getting back on their feet. Some will pay for your down payment on a rental.
"Hey pay for childcare so you can work and bring in an income. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's the worst, as I have been there. Please reach out if you need any help!"
Another added: "Start getting your exit plan in order. Yes at the moment you are dependent on him but that will change.
"Get legal advice asap, find out what he has to do to support you as you get yourself independent. Social services and job training are things you will need to look into.
"Have a career and education plan in mind for yourself. Sorry you have to go through this but it will get easier and you will have the strength, one foot in front of the other one day at a time."
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