Sam Quek on 'mum guilt' struggle and trying to be the 'best wife she can be'
Presenter Sam Quek MBE has been a world-class athlete and has seen her TV career go from strength to strength. But she still has a problem: the mum guilt caused by needing to leave her two young children at home. The former Olympic hockey champion and European gold medallist went back to work eight weeks after the birth of her second child, Zac, now 18 months, just a year after she and her husband, Tom Mairs, had welcomed their daughter Molly.
Today the 35-year-old candidly admits family life has been a struggle, despite the support of property entrepreneur Tom, and with both sets of grandparents on hand to help out at their home on the Wirral in Merseyside.
“I’ve had a massively busy three weeks, and my guilt levels have been probably the highest,” the sports presenter explains. “I have my book out (Roar: A Celebration Of Great Sporting Women) and other things happening and so there is definitely that mum guilt.
“I went away at the weekend recently. I was in Brighton playing hockey on Saturday and in London on Sunday. I put the kids to bed on the Friday and then woke them up on the Monday. But before I left – I don’t know why I did it – I felt like I couldn’t leave the house until the kitchen was spotless, their clothes were washed and clean and the fridge was full.
“My husband said to me, ‘I can go to the supermarket and I can put their clothes out.’ But for me, I feel better doing it and it’s probably for myself even though my husband’s completely capable. And you know, nothing would happen to the kids if they went out in a non-matching outfit or they had beans on toast for dinner.”
Sam Quek to cheer on first Classic runner from Eurovision turquoise carpet
Sam Quek at the Pride of Britain Awards (Daily Mirror)
Sam appeared on 2016's I'm A Celeb (Nigel Wright/ITV/REX/Shutterstock)Sam applauds parents who post frank comments on social media or talk about “completely failing”, as TV presenter Stacey Dooley put it when talking about caring for her nine-month-old daughter, Minnie.
“It’s great that new mums like Stacey aren’t afraid to speak out,” she says. “I think it’s easy to get into an Instagram hole and feel like you’re a bad mum or you’re not achieving things. The other day I was at nursery picking the kids up, and everyone was talking about taking their children to the pumpkin patch to get a perfect family picture and I thought, ‘Oh, my kids aren’t going to a pumpkin patch.’ Then I thought, ‘We’ll still go for walks with the dogs or to the playground which is just as much fun, if not more.’”
Sam is currently working with children’s vitamin brand Haliborange to try to put an end to mum guilt.
“I’ve always maintained that when I take the work opportunities that are presented to me, I’m being me, I’m working and I’m the best mum and the best wife that I can be,” she says. “But I do get terrible mum guilt, and Haliborange did say that 95% of other mums do as well. So it makes me a little bit more comfortable thinking it’s not just me.
“That’s why we’re doing a massive call to action, to share your pictures and your videos; your moments of parent pride,” she says. “That might be getting down to the pumpkin patch or it might just be getting everyone out the door on time for the school run. Because it is so important to push that narrative that these things are just as good as having the most Instagrammable perfect family occasions.”
Sam with her gold at the 2016 Rio Olympics (Colorsport / Andrew Cowie)Starting out as a professional hockey player, Sam’s gold medal as part of the British team at the Rio Olympics in 2016 earned her an MBE. She turned to TV after retiring from sport, and was one of the BBC hosts at the 2020 Tokyo Games. In 2016, she took part in I’m A Celeb, making it to the final four before being voted out, and Celebrity MasterChef in 2020, where she reached the top three.
In 2021, she became the first female team captain on the BBC One panel show, Question Of Sport, and joined the channel’s Morning Live show alongside Kimberley Walsh, Sara Cox, Kym Marsh and Gethin Jones.
This year, she was part of the BBC Eurovision presenting team in Liverpool and will be taking part in the BBC Children In Need show.
However, the star has been targeted by trolls, including one post on social media from someone who said they wanted to stab her. This came after her comments on Radio 1 that FA Cup replays should be scrapped and while some people agreed with her, there were many others who didn’t.
Now she admits, “I’m very careful with social media and I control what people see and what they don’t see. But I did have that comment from one troll about how if they saw me in the street they would stab me. I’d just had a miscarriage two days before that show and that was tough. But you have to take the right action. I reported it to the police as, ultimately, it was a threat to life.
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“I’ve not had anything that extreme to be honest since then, but you do get these stupid comments like, ‘Get back in the kitchen, what does she know about sport?’
“I like to think I am resilient, but everyone has their wobbles. Ultimately, I’m so busy. I don’t have time to scroll through social media and see what people are saying about me. And anyhow I want to have feedback from people who matter and not a random person at home who is on their phone or a keyboard warrior. It’s taken me a few years to master it, but it’s water off a duck’s back now.”
A miscarriage and two C-sections have had their impact on Sam, who is in no hurry to have more children.
“I’m not even thinking that far ahead, and Molly and Zac are a blessing,” she says. “But you never know what the future holds. Molly took a long time to conceive, and I had a miscarriage before I had her.
“That was before lockdown. But it’s only when you start talking or listening to other people talk about it that you realise you’re not alone.”
Sam says she would be interested in making a documentary about her own experiences. “I’m passionate about being open and talking about having a miscarriage because when I experienced it, I thought no one went through it. I thought it was my fault.”
Having husband of five years Tom at her side has helped Sam through her ups and downs. Especially after having two babies so close together, which has left her feeling insecure about the way she looks.
“My body will never be the same as when I was 25 playing international hockey, especially after two C-sections,” she confesses. “I appreciate everything changes and my husband is brilliant and tells me how perfect I am every day.
“But it’s not an easy place to be. We all have our hang-ups – even the most perfect woman in the world.
“I have got too many to list, but I’d rather not say because then people will latch onto them. I think even with my sporting career, you realise that actually there are so many different things you can focus on. You realise you can only control what you can control and that’s where I try to always be.
“I appreciate I’ve had two kids and when I’m on the hockey pitch, I wish I was as fast and as agile as I was.
“But there is so much to be said now about mental health and celebrating your own wins. Whether it’s being a mum or whether it’s just being me, I think you have to be happy within yourself.”
On a daily basis, 95% of UK mothers admit to feeling mum guilt. Now, Haliborange has teamed up with Olympic gold medallist Sam Quek to help end mum guilt and focus instead on parent pride. Join the pledge by sharing your “parent pride” moments on social media, using the hashtag #EndMumGuilt and tagging Words: @haliborangeuk
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