'There's no romance in our marriage and hubby even forgot our 10th anniversary'

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Bunch of flowers didn
Bunch of flowers didn't work any magic (stock image) (Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF)

Dear Coleen, My 10-year wedding ­anniversary was on New Year’s Eve and, figuring it was a special one, I thought my husband would make the effort to buy me a gift, organise a treat or even just acknowledge it with a kiss or morning cuppa. But he didn’t and I hit the roof because I’m so sick of him taking me and our marriage for granted.

I knew he wasn’t the romantic sort when I married him, in that he’s never been one for grand gestures or public displays of affection, but I’ve had it with his thoughtlessness and lack of affection. I’ve reached my limit!

When I screamed at him for forgetting our anniversary, he went to the petrol station and bought me a half-dead bunch of flowers, which I had to throw in the bin the next day.

'There's no romance in our marriage and hubby even forgot our 10th anniversary' eridzriquhikeinvColeen Nolan is the Mirror's resident agony aunt

I don’t want to sound petty, but I shouldn’t have to tell him to do these things – what’s the point if it’s not from the heart?

We have two lovely young children and family life is ­generally good, but I feel as if he doesn’t value me or even notice I’m there sometimes.

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I’d love your advice please.

Coleen says

I hear you! I love romance and it’s important to me, and I’ve also been in relationships where my partner didn’t know the meaning of the “R” word.

I don’t think it’s petty at all if you’re feeling undervalued and unloved. Forgetting about your 10-year anniversary and trying to make up for it with a sad bunch of flowers sounds like the straw that broke the camel’s back after years of him not making the effort to show he loves you. So, the result is that you’ve blown up.

Look, sometimes you do have to tell people and I think you need a conversation with him about how you feel in this ­relationship. The truth is, romance and showing you care isn’t about a once-a-year grand gesture or a fancy gift, it’s about how you treat each other day to day, 365 days of the year. It’s the small things – a hug, a nice text, a cup of tea, doing your bit at home, having each other’s backs, a sweet note, a night without the kids, a movie.

It’s the thought that counts and never how much money you’ve spent on something. These are the things that bring you closer, help you reconnect and build intimacy.

He obviously felt bad about your anniversary and tried to make up for it, even if it fell flat. Don’t expect him to be a mind reader. Explain to him what you think is missing and talk about how you can make it better.

Coleen Nolan

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