'If there was a rich panto producer, Coleen and Rebekah could name their price'

19 October 2023 , 19:41

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Coleen in the new Disney+ show (Image: Ben Blackall/Disney+)

According to TV industry whisperers, Disney recently got into a bidding war and ended up paying around £1million into… Coleen Rooney’s account.

If that’s true, then I hope whoever signed the cheque feels they got value for money with Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story. As far as I could see, this three-part series didn’t really tell us anything we didn’t already know about the infamous Wagatha Christie scandal.

Well, unless you count the news that Wayne had a secret vasectomy a few years back. And I’d be tempted to place that news more in the “things we didn’t need to know” folder. It looks like Disney simply shelled out for access to the Rooneys’ (peak Footballers Wives’) mansion in Cheshire – and to hear Coleen’s untold side of the story.

It soon became apparent why she hadn’t shared her version before. Beyond the dramatic retelling of the tale behind that “It was… Rebekah Vardy’s account” social media post, Coleen didn’t really have that much to share with us. Not that this made it any less engaging than the Beckhams’ Netflix opus.

There were buckets of disposable showbiz froth to gorge on. Plus, Disney had really gone to town with the characterisation. Suffice it to say, if there was a panto producer with deep enough pockets, Coleen and Rebekah could name their price for a three-month run of Snow White this Christmas.

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No prizes for guessing who’d play Snow White and who’d get the Wicked Queen gig. Who knows, perhaps Peter Andre could also grab a small part? In some ways, a reconciliation of sorts would be a lovely ending to this warring Wags story – particularly if you always considered their High Court showdown to be simply a matter of showbiz tittle-tattle that got wildly out of hand.

As for Wayne, I can’t have been the only one who saw the follow-up potential in the news that his trophy room could do with a quick dusting. Wayne’s trophy room needs cleaning. David Beckham is a self-confessed neat freak. Come on, if Netflix and Disney put their best people on it they could get a six-parter out of this.

NB. If they call it How Clean Is Your Scouse? I want paying.

Ian Hyland