'I set up college fund for my nieces but not my nephew – they deserve it more'
When buying gifts for family members, most people try to spend a similar amount on each person to avoid arguments. But one man decided to go against this when setting his nieces up with a college fund - and allowing his nephew to go without.
Speaking to Reddit, he shared how he started second-guessing his decision after his fiancé called him out over the lack of college cash for her family. She claims he is in the wrong – but other users were unanimous in saying that he did the right thing as his brother had helped him, that it was not really any of his partner's business and that given they are not yet related, her nephew was not his concern.
He said: "I started my own business about eight years ago using a loan from my brother for about £37,000 ($45,000) and I decided to thank him for taking a chance on me by setting up a college fund for his daughters that they can access when they turn 18. So recently at my niece's birthday celebration and I decided that I'd inform the kiddos of the college fund as an extra birthday gift.
Reddit users said the man was correct and his partner was wrong (Getty Images/iStockphoto)"Anyway once we got home my fiancé asked me why I didn't tell her about it before hand. I told her I didn't think I had to run it by her since it was my money but if she wanted to know, I'd run any big purchases by her next time.
"Later that evening she brought up that I should set up a college fund for her nephew like I did for my nieces so that it would be fair. I told her that it was a thank-you gift and not something that should be expected by default. She told me that she should get a say since she helped me get my start when I first started my venture. I told her that's not really the same thing and refused to do it until I have a better relationship with her family."
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And the site's other users told him not to feel guilty. One user said said: "She’s welcome to start a fund for her nephew. You’re not even married to this woman yet, you have no relation to her nephew – by blood or marriage at this point. This is a thank-you gift for your brothers family."
While another user warned: "Agreed 100 per cent. And to be blunt here… Your money. Your business. Your discretion. Your decision. But if we are being honest there is a bigger issue here that needs to be addressed before you get married. What makes her feel entitled enough to tell you what to do with your money?
"People plan weddings but rarely plan their marriage. You should 100 percent be on the same page about finances, how you contribute to savings, bills, retirement, how you discuss the purchase of big tricker items. If one or both of you own real estate how will deed and title be treated? Will the assets remain separate as they were owned prior to your marriage.
"Her statement is a huge red flag. You need to discuss a prenuptial and have one in place before you tie the knot. You also need to have the difficult discussion now that what you do with your money is your business and that it is an unrealistic expectation that you will match gift for gift and dollar for dollar for her family."
And. if only to reinforce the moral justification for his stance, the man added that his fiancé quit her job six years ago. He also stated that he has been paying all the bills for that time and that the only contributions she made was picking up extra household responsibilities for a few months.
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