Man, 20, posted 3 words on Facebook then mum got news that left her 'screaming'
The mum of a young man who took his own life has spoken about the devastating moment she learned of his death.
Gerard Mullan's cheeky smile would have lit up any room and left a mark on each person he met. The Belfast man, from the Whitewell Road area of North Belfast, was passionate about promoting positivity and encouraging open dialogue about mental health. His TikTok videos went viral for their openness and ease to relate to the 20-year-old. But behind his 'good vibes' persona, Gerard was battling his own demons. Those demons would soon lead to the young man taking his own life earlier this year on May 26.
Speaking to BelfastLive about her loss as well as a community interest company she is now involved in, Gerard's mum Ainé admitted she will never forget having to identify her baby boy's lifeless body in the morgue.
A smiling Gerard with his mum, Ainé (Belfast Live)
Gerard with radio and TV star Roman Kemp (Belfast Live)"My Gerard struggled from a young age, since he was about 13," Ainé said. "We fought so hard with mental health teams over the years. He attempted to take his own life before his sixteenth birthday, and then a year and a half later, he did it again, and was in hospital where he had to learn to walk again. I took a bad breakdown, and throughout it all, Gerard was always my wee ray of sunshine. He helped me through my darkest days, along with my family. He was the one who picked me up when I was down. I done the same with him.
"When Gerard died, it was a shock, and it wasn't, at the same time. Deep in my heart I knew that the day would come. He kept so much to himself, and didn't ever want to be a burden to anyone. He was doing really well, working away and just getting on with things. I thought, this is good, but obviously he still had his demons. He was fighting. I know he didn't want to come to me, because he thought it might tip me over the edge. That was the kind of person Gerard was."
'I lost my son to suicide and my hubby has months to live - every day counts'
Ainé says things seemed to be going well for her son and on the night of his death he shared a post to social media, a selfie, with the caption 'good vibes only'. It was not long after that photo was shared online, however, that the police were knocking on Ainé's door, to break the news no parent can ever prepare themselves for - her son was gone. S
She said: "I got engaged on May 22, and he came down to the house because he wanted to have a look at my ring. He came over on the Tuesday and was getting on as normal. That was the last I spoke to him. On the Friday morning, at about 7:20am, the police were at my door. I didn't know why they were there, it didn't cross my mind that it could be what it ended up to be. I thought I was being arrested. He had put a wee photo of himself on Facebook, saying good vibes only, and then the police were here to tell me he was dead. When I heard his name, my son, I knew he was dead. I dropped to the floor, I was screaming.
"My partner and my son had to pick me off the ground. Then I went into overdrive, I was trying to get my clothes on, to go and see him. That afternoon, I had to identify Gerard's body. It was horrendous because I was behind a window. I just cried my eyes out, and needed in to see him, to be with him. They let me in and he looked so peaceful. I said 'Gerard, it's mummy, open your eyes'."
After Gerard's death, Ainé said she and her family have been completely surrounded by love and support from the community. She says if she can do anything to say thank you to those who have been there for them, she would. She added: "I honestly cannot explain how kind people have been. We are overwhelmed by the community. People I don't even know, they helped us through the darkest days. When someone dies, people say they will do a lot, and you don't see them, but we saw that support. We can't thank people enough."
Despite his personal struggles, Gerard emerged as a beacon of hope for many. His passionate advocacy culminated in his pivotal role as a founding member of Voicing the Void. Ainé, alongside Rory Doherty, the Chief Executive and founder of Voicing the Void, are dedicated to sharing Gerard's story.
They believe that by shedding light on his journey, they can potentially prevent further suicides in Northern Ireland. Rory said: "Gerard's story was compelling. We supported him wholeheartedly, and when he was ready, we provided a platform. His social media outreach had a profound impact, with individuals from as far away as Australia crediting his positive mental health videos for their support during lockdown."
Ainé is now gearing up to engage young audiences in partnership with Voicing the Void, highlighting the profound impact of losing a loved one to suicide. She is passionate about highlighting the ripple effects of such a tragedy. "The void left by Gerard is immense, but he was my guiding light during the darkest times," she said. "He was my son, my baby boy, and I am determined to honour him. It has been a couple of months since his death, but it is raw. Some days I just think he is going to walk in through my door. If anyone is struggling, please speak out, confide in someone. I don't want another family to endure the pain we're experiencing."
Aligned with World Mental Health Day on October 10, Voicing the Void, in collaboration with Ainé, hosted workshops at Loughshore Educational Resource Centre. These sessions addressed the challenges faced by today's youth, equipping them with coping strategies. Through these poignant narratives and coping tools, Voicing the Void seeks to enlighten, empower, and deepen the understanding of the challenges the younger generation confronts.
For more information about Voicing the Void and their mission, visit their website here.
Anyone can contact Samaritans FREE any time from any phone on 116 123, even a mobile without credit. This number won’t show up on your phone bill. Or you can email [email protected] or visit www.samaritans.org to find details of your nearest branch.
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