Miriam Margolyes' painful regret over coming out as gay to her 'disgusted' mum
She is known for her unruliness and lovable personality, often swearing on telly and sharing mischievous stories but award-winning actress Miriam Margolyes hasn't always found it easy to be her outgoing and honest self. Miriam came out as a lesbian in 1966, at a time when homosexuality was illegal, and made the decision to tell her mother she was in a relationship with a woman but later regretted it as she sadly lost her mum to a severe stroke soon after.
The TV personality, who has had roles in Blackadder, Babe and the Harry Potter franchise, has said gay people are "not conventional" and she "wouldn't want to be straight for anything", though she does wish that she had never come out to her mum. Her parents had longed for their only child to have a conventional Jewish marriage and didn't approve of same-sex relationships, which is why Miriam's brutal honesty was hit with such 'disgust and shock'.
She advises people who are working out whether to tell their families to only do it if they can bear it (PA)Miriam said her mother's "horizon was darkened from that moment", and she shortly after passed away. Sharing her remorse with journalist and podcaster Elizabeth Day, Miriam said: "I have profound regrets that I told my mother that I was having a sexual relationship with a woman. It was indulgent of me. It was partly because I told her everything. We always confided in each other. I had nothing hidden from her.
"And when it happened to me, that I was punctured, entered, deflowered... I'm not sure what you'd call it... I was given a good going over by a woman and it was just fabulous. When you have good sex for the first time you honestly think, 'whoopee I might do that again'. I shared it with her and it utterly disgusted her and shocked her and her horizon was darkened from that moment."
Miriam continued: "I loved her with all my heart... I didn't know it was going to have such an effect, but I should have thought about it. That's what I always say to people who are working out whether to tell their families or not - tell them if they can bear it, and if they can't bear it, don't tell them." The 82-year-old actress added: "I am gay and I'm happy being gay. I couldn't bear to be straight, quite honestly. So here I am, a sad and happy old dyke."
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Miriam also discussed the topic on ITV's This Morning in 2021, where she shared her 'guilt' over her parents knowing she was gay. She said her mum "couldn't handle it" and that it was "too much for her", explaining: "It's tough to keep it in because I want to share, and when I fell in love, I wanted to tell everybody that I was in love."
Miriam has been with her partner, the academic Heather Sutherland, for 54 years and previously revealed their long-lasting relationship has worked because of "love, trust and telling the truth". She told The Guardian: "Never let the sun set on a quarrel. We don't live together, which is probably why we've stayed together that long. She likes to work and I do, too. Communication - you must talk to your partner."
Miriam Margolyes: Australia Unmasked airs tonight at 9.30pm on BBC2
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